As 2010 comes to an end; I have given a lot of thought to these words I said in a previous post... "I need to reorganize me. Get the things I can control back in order so that I can be better at handling the things I can't control. I NEED to get a handle on the craziness that surrounds me before I go crazy."
I have mostly been trying to figure out where to begin and with what. Things have become so out of whack that this task is not going to be easy. Sounds silly, I know, but this task is larger than you can imagine.
Last year, Tib(over at Shark Bait) posted a "word of the year". You can read about it here. Her word was "Dominate". I thought is was a great idea, but at the time I didn't feel passionate enough about anything to do the same.
This year... its different. I NEED to do this. I NEED to succeed at this resolution of sorts. Because the alternative is not acceptable.
So here is my "Word of the Year"...
As I said before, I have given this some thought.
1st - I need to reorganize my faith. I am embarrassed to admit that I "fell off the wagon" a few years ago. Hmm~ look where I am now! We attended a new church for a Christmas Eve service and we went back last Sunday. Is it where we belong? I don't know, but if not... I will try somewhere new until we find a home.
My heart tells me that faith is the perfect place to start.
2nd - My house is a wreck. Seriously!!! I have not had the energy to go through everything and play toss the clutter. I use to play that game a couple times a year. I can't remember the last time I really "cleaned house".
This needs to change because the mess makes me uneasy. I can't find things sometimes because I can't put them away where they belong. I've started a new game called "cram it wherever it fits".
My nerves tell me I need to work on the house.
3rd - Work. The option of being a stay at home mom was taken away from me without offering me a choice in the matter. I was home for a good part of 10 years... that's a pretty good run I suppose.
I decided to become a substitute teacher because of the flexibility. I was worried when I started that the sporadic, last minute, drop everything to come in NOW, chaotic type of schedule was not good for my mind. I love structure, calmness, schedules etc... I like to know what I need to do ahead of time so I can calmly be ready.
I will say that I do love being in the classroom, and that did helped a lot, but it didn't fix the chaos of the schedule. So in order to regain a little structure (and some experience) I decided to take an offer given to me back in August as an Administrative Assistant to a book keeper(right up my alley). The schedule has made more of a difference than I thought it would. The problem is that it is part time(about 18 hours a week). Financially, I need more than that so I still sub when I can.
When I took this job, the understanding was that it would eventually turn into a full time need; and I have gone from the original two days a week to now working three. But the reality is that we lost between 20 and 25 thousand of our income a year. This started about 3 years ago. 18 hours a week is not making up for what we lost. We have been struggling for some time. We have blown through our savings and I don't know how much longer I can rob peter to pay paul. Something has to change.
I have decided that I will keep my eyes open for something with more hours. I hate to be un-loyal to where I am now because I like it there, but I have to take care of my family and I may not have the option of waiting for their needs to change.
I know "reorganizing" these three areas of my life will not fix everything, but they are a start. And I have faith that eventually other things that seem so displaced will start to fall into place once again.
So here's to a brighter tomorrow.
To all my friends...