Five question Friday...

For you Kelly.

Visit the home of 5QF here

1. What do you keep a stock pile of?


That's easy... test strips, insulin, pump supplies and a small mountain of Juicy Juice.

2. If Ben & Jerry asked you to invent an ice cream, what would it be?

Shit... I'm just gonna take this Neapolitan style. Ya know, with the 3 flavors all in one container.


Lets see... I think my flavor one would be called  something like "Junk in da Trunk". It would be loaded with caramel, and a little chocolate, maybe some coconut and banana; a few nuts... pecans.


Flavor 2... Strawberry cheesecake. Not just flavored that way. I want chunks of strawberry's, chunks of cheesecake and clumps of graham cracker crust in there, please.


Flavor 3... Chocolate marshmallow, nuff said!




3. How do you blow off steam?

I pace... in circles, passing through the kitchen often to stress eat. *Such behavior may not be suitable for stripper shoes.
4. What would you do if you had an hour to yourself anywhere within a ten mile radius of your home...no kids, no hubby, just you?
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Sleep. I know that's probably not the answer this question was meant to inspire, but I am a little deprived.

5. When you were 16, what was your curfew in the summertime?


Ah, the curfew. That thing that I will expect my children to abide by. 


For me... It's been a while, but I believe it was midnight unless something specific was going on and then it was adjusted accordingly. This was back in the "old days" when parents choose your curfew.






And there you have it... My first 5QF in for-ev-a.For old time sake, go ahead, ask me anything. OR you can head over to Mama M's blog and suggest some good questions for the upcoming 5QF's. After all, I was only able to squeeze the word stripper in once. 

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Coming home...

Many months worth of thoughts swirling around in my head. Many hours driven, alone, in the car. Hours to think, ponder, reflect. So much I cant even straighten out enough to know where to begin. 


Anyone who knows me, knows that I have been MIA because I accepted a full time job back in September. Time wise, something (or a few things for that matter) had to give for a while. I accepted the position knowing that I would have the option of going home if my performance was where it needed to be and, of course, after I spent the required amount of time in the office. I was estimating August as the estimated time frame.


WELL...


As of last Tuesday, It was official, I am a work at home mom. I no longer trek 45 min to an hour across town to work. I simply roll out of bed, grab a cup of coffee and walk into my temporary office. 
Yeah, I wish it were that easy. Reality is...  I still have to take Justin to camp; so I do have to brush my hair... and my teeth. Since we assumed I would be gone all summer, we signed him up for Karate camp.


He.Loves.It! Really loves it!  


I give him the option of staying home any day, but he's not having any part of that. In the first week they went to the movies, the park, Chuck E Cheese and Ice skating. I thought I was going to have a heart attack letting him go Ice skating without me, but I survived the whole ordeal... and so did he.
Somewhere in there they squeeze in tae kwon do along with what has to be a whole lot of physical, blood dropping, activity; because I have done nothing but battle constant lows all week. Even long after he's home and I feed him pasta. I have raised I:C ratios and implemented a 50% basal decrease while he's there. For serious... were pounding the Juicy Juice like you wouldn't believe. and he's still hitting the 50's and 60's all day and through the night. Craziness! Good thing I get to sleep that extra hour now.


Its all worth it, I guess, if he's loving it.


For me, being home is bitter-sweet. It has many perks. MANY! But I miss the chit chat with co workers, I miss stripper shoe talk. Always a compromise with any decision we make.


I hope to get back to blogging now that I'm home. That has been my intention all along. I have a lot to say if I can sort out all this mess in my head. Maybe a Five question Friday, or an Out of the Mouth of yours truly will be in the near future too.

Heavy Mind, Heavy Heart...

**DISCLAIMER** I'm sorry to unload on all of you in this way. Its just that I couldn't sleep and I had to come somewhere to clear my aching mind.

This has been a tough school year. With each new smack in the face, I question what I did wrong, what I could have done better, what I should have done, but didn't. Do I make excuses or is there validity to what goes on? Are they (the teachers) in the wrong or am I? Reality is... I don't even know anymore.

I don't know how to diferenciate between what is an excuse and what Justin see's as an excuse. I don't know where to draw the line and say that has nothing to do with the side effects of that medication. If there is the slightest possibility something could be diabetes or medication related... I have to step in. I have to advocate for him. I have to be that mom. Whats the point of a 504 when you cant get them to utilize the accomodations on it. Do they feel that Justin doesn't deserve the extra time without deducting points?

I DO know that Justin is capable of more than what he gives, but in order for him to do that he needs direction; which is something that appears to be lacking this year. 

What do you do when a teacher tells you in the 1st 9 weeks of school that she's tried everything in her bag of tricks and she has nothing else?  

Is it okay to just give up? Is he not worth her time and caring?

I can now say from experience that kids suffer when parents work my child suffered when I went back to work. Now calm down and don't get in a tizzy. It's how I feel and I am free to feel that way, right? Okay, I will try to explain...

Like a lot of families, we didn't have a choice but for me to go back to work. There's that whole need to buy insulin and test strips, after all. Though I am lucky to find a job that will eventually allow me to work from home... the road there has taken a huge tole as far as staying on top of Justin and school. I've been absent, MIA... I've been working my ass off to walk the straight and narrow so that I can qualify to come home.

The thing is...Your kids are taken care of more when your visible; its a fact. Every year we have always figured it out, worked together, communicated. I've been there to oversee the porcess, pop in, help out. This year... Justin is lost. He has been given up on and I have spent the entire year sending un-anwered emails and throwing 504 accomodations out. I have NEVER had to do that. I have NEVER had to force teachers to use the 504. NEVER. They have always worked with me to keep him on track.

Was it worth it? Could we have cut somewhere else and made it work for me to stay home a little longer. The hard truth is no; we did it as long as we could and just couldn't keep going anymore. So why do I feel guilty? Why do I feel like a failure when I am just trying to stay afloat? Trying to make sure we have a roof over our head and insulin in the butter compartment.

The guilt and worry is eating me alive and I don't know how to stop it.