Memories of Lessons Learned...

On my way to work this week, I was checking my facebook(at a red light, of course)  and a question in one of the groups got me thinking.

A mom had ask the pumpers if they also carried insulin pens or vials with them when they left the house. The answers varied as usual, but there I was, drifting back in time to when Justin was first diagnosed.

I was thinking how his arms have gone back to "normal" since we've been on the pump. Like they were in the beginning... sensitive.

Then I started tearing up as I remembered the first few months of diabetes.

Every time Justin would get a shot, I would hold his arm up and we would get ready to go. I felt so bad as I would stand there.

Justin would tell me to wait a minute and I would say whenever your ready, just let me know.

Then suddenly he would hold his breath... cheeks puffed out and all so that I knew it was time to go ahead and give him the shot.

As soon as it went in his eyes would close. As soon as it was over, I would ALWAYS say... I'm sorry. 

It's not something that I realized I did until one day Justin told me... Mom, please stop telling me your sorry.

Then it hit me... oh my gosh, I do- do that everyday. Everyday I tell him I'm sorry for giving him a shot because I WAS sorry.

I was sorry about him having diabetes...

I was sorry for hurting him everyday...

I was sorry for all of it.

Either way, it was finally Justin that let me know that I needed to cut it out. I didn't need to be sorry. I just needed to do what I had to do to keep him safe.

Lessons learned from a then 7 yr old.

Time...

February photo challenge... day 17

Today's challenge... "time"

Time can be both our enemy and our friend.


Time can help you heal and it can tick on for what seems like a lifetime.

Time can weigh you down. Rush you. Hold you hostage. It can take away regret and even the most painful pain.


Time can carry your memories or fade them without warning. 


There are days when I hate time. And then there are those other days... the days where I am on my knees begging for just a little more of it.

 

Blue... as in Blue Heel Society

February Photo Challenge... day 13

I admittedly skipped yesterday. To be honest... my closet it a mess and I choose to take a nap rather than clean it for a picture. I hang my head in shame.

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Today's challenge is "blue". HA! What D-Mama cant come up with something blue??

I have had this post planned for some time, but a few things(okay, one thing) had to happen before I could finish it the way I wanted.

WELL, it has happened, so here goes...

Today just happens to be the three month anniversary of a fun group dedicated to raising Diabetes awareness. You guessed it...

I think the idea is fantastic... what better excuse does a girl need to buy shoes?? So happy anniversary to them and on with this post for me...

Just so you know... I was wearing blue shoes before I knew blue shoes were so damn cool. Not very often that I'm ahead of the game, ya know.


February photo challenge photo


Granted they are not the blue shoes you would expect ME to wear, but even I have to throw on the running shoes sometimes and at least they are a damn good color.


Having said that... I have been checking out these sassy lil bitches for a while.

                                 

And guess what... they are on the way!!!! Thanks to my awesome husband. Happy Valentines Day to MEEEE!!!


There is nothing like a six inch (yes, I said six) pair of red bottoms to start a conversation and open up opportunity to spread awareness. And there is nothing better than looking damn good while doing it.

So, Hats off heels up to the founders of the Blue Heel Society... May we kick some D ass and raise awareness; one conversation at a time ;)

 **My blue shoes have a meaning behind them. Say something and I will tell you all about it.

Makes Me Happy...

February photo challenge day 11....

Today's challenge: "Makes Me Happy"

This one was easy...

Hanging out with these two.

The milkshakes weren't bad either . 

Me...

February photo challenge... day 10

Ten days in and I've already failed the challenge. In my defense, I did take the pictures yesterday... I just never had a chance to post them. As soon as I got home from work yesterday, we packed up and went out for a family date night. We didn't get back until around 10:30pm and I fell asleep on the couch trying to load the photos onto the laptop. Sad I know. And maybe a little old lady-ish.

Day 10's challenge was self portrait...

We all know how hard it is to take a photo of yourself. SOOOO I figured I would share a few of the photos that hit the cutting room floor; along with a little comentary, of course, just to make up for the delay.

When partaking in the task of self portraits, the first few pics are always a mess...

You may almost cut half yourself off...

Make may stupid faces...

You may even do stupid shit with your hands...

You might try to kiss the camera...

 More than once...

So as your driving down the road taking pictures of yourself(yeah, I know) you decide that maybe a picture without your glasses would be nice...

hmmm
glasses on???

Or glasses off...

Until it hits you...

HOLY SHIT!! NOW I'M DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD TAKING PICTURES OF MYSELF WITH MY GLASSES OFF!!!

So we went with on...

Happy Saturday!

Front Door...

February Photo Challenge... day 9

Today's challenge is about the "front door".

Yes, my front door is black(I am kinda modern like that).

I have been thinking about this post all day. I mean, what can you really say about a door?

We can start with the color...

Usually, black means something bad... like the black hole, death, darkkness... something scary.

But I know, even with the color we have splashed upon it, when we walk through that door. Everyone is safe and we've made it through another day.

Blindness...

February Photo Challenge... day 8

Today's challenge is the "sun".

Staring at the sun feels a lot like your child being diagnosed with a life long illness - everything goes white. It takes a period of time for you to begin to refocus and even then your vision is weak at best.

You squint your eyes, rub them, close them tight; as they water from the burning. The blindness of it all is scary, but eventually we DO start to see again.

Here's to finding our way out of the blindness. 

Button...

February Challenge... day 7

Tadays challenge was tough; either that or my creative juices were all squeezed out. I sat there trying to think of a way to bring life into my photo of a button.

This is what I came up with...

See that green button? Well, if I accidentally hit that button... I hang up on you... accidentally. :( I will not willingly admit weather or not I have accidentally hit that button... accidentally.

Did I mention it would be totally accidental?

No what the hell am I going to do with "Sun"?

Dinner...

February challenge... day 6

Today's challenge is "Dinner"...

BBQ Pulled Pork, Mac-N-Cheese and my favorite guy.

                                   

Doesn't get much better than that. Except for the part where he actually ate it.

10am...

February Photo Challenge... day 5 

Today's photo challenge simply states "10am".

So what was I doing at 10am this morning? I was driving down the road; heading to Hamburger Mary's with about 16 of my co-workers.

No worries... nobody got tooo crazy. After all, we DO have to work tomorrow.

These are not my co-workers

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Bonus photo

I have no clue who the blond is.

Happy Sunday!



A Stranger...

February photo challenge... day 4

Today's photo challenge is about "A Stranger".

 

The typical person wouldn't know what I mean by this, but I know a lot of moms who would.

We change constant. Every new stage in life molds us into a different version of ourselves. The path to growth is sometimes unpleasant in many ways, but we still know who we are.

Three years, three months and fourteen days ago... The person in that picture became a stranger; not only to me, but to almost everyone that knew her. Eventually she started to mold. She started to get to know the new her. She started to fit in to a new way of life made for the person she was becoming.

Then it happened again... with a new diagnosis, the stranger returned.

Numb. Scared. Helpless.

Unsure how to navigate this new course and wishing for the strength of a person she once knew; she carries on. Pretending to be herself.

Hands...

February challenge day 3 is all about the hands.

Enough said!

February challenge... Day 2

The "fine print" (for full details... go here) 
1. Use the list above as inspiration and take a photo everyday.
   -okay, so I already broke the the very first rule on the very first day. I am ashamed, but in my defense... I didn't read the rules before I started(typical me) and it was a last minute join at 5 am this morning.

2. Share! Wherever you want... FB, The Twit, Blog, where eva.

3. Check out everyone's pictures. As of today, there are 800 people signed up for the challenge.

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Okay, so now that the "fine print" is out of the way...

Today's picture challenge is "words"(see... I CAN follow the rules).

Rather than take a picture, I decided to create one using one of my favorite quotes. I found this quote a little while after I started to "come back to life" so to speak. It made sense to me and I needed to hear that I might still had some strength left in me. I keep this quote in my car and I look at it whenever I pull down my visor. I don't think it will ever get old... it seems as soon as I find my strength, something comes along that pushing me towards giving up again.

Just gotta keep truckin!!

Happy Thursday!