T:Slim - Two weeks in...

Justin has been on the t:slim for two weeks now. You can read all about my initial thoughts here.

Justin is still loving it, of course. I feel is has its pro's and con's.

When it comes to being user friendly, I'm not sure it could get much better. The touch screen for adding carb amounts and bg #'s beats the thumb aerobics it took to get all that info into the Ping... AND if you mess something up, you don't have to start all over. BONUS!

Changing carb ratios and basal rates... super easy. You don't have to button push through the entire list just to change one rate... choose the one you want, and tada!!
I do have one complaint about the way this is set up though... On the ping the basal rates, i:c ratios, ISF and bg target all had separate screens for you to set them up. All of this info is in one place on the slim. So say Justin's basal is .625 from 7am to noon, but I need a different i:c ratio for breakfast and lunch... I have to set up a whole new block within the profile... so both blocks will be exact basal except for the i:c ratio. This is by no means the end of the world, but I can foresee it getting confusing when Justin is trying to read off all the settings to the Endo(as he does at every appt). The CDE even questioned why I had like 3 blocks with the same basal rate... and it was because either the carb ratio or the ISF was different.

Again, not the end of the world, but I prefer them separate. Maybe I just like the info in different screens because all the numbers, all at once, can become overwhelming.

I consider this a safety fail for the younger users... It doesn't subtract insulin to correct low-ish bg's. For whatever reason, the slim does not start subtracting insulin until they are 69(or below). So if he's 70... I have to manually subtract insulin from the suggested delivery so that he doesn't end up low(ish) again. This may be a HUGE challenge when school starts. Justin would have to know his different sensitivity factors and targets(they vary during PE etc...) in order to do this on his own. On top of that... he actually has to remember to do it in the first place. Not sure why Tandem would give the pump the capability to subtract, but not let it base it off the target rate rather then what the standard low bg may be. Maybe we were just spoiled since the Ping did this for us.

Site changes... holy mother of crap they are a pain in the ass!!!! I'm not even going to abbreviate it... that's how bad it is. As easy as the touch screen feature is... they sure didn't mimic that ease of use into the cartridge fill. Granted, I have waisted a little less insulin with each cartridge change, but the process is lengthy and frustrating. To be honest, if Justin didn't love it so much... this may have been a deal breaker for me.

Apidra(sigh) - when they said it didn't work in this pump, they weren't kidding. I was in hopes that we would be one of the lucky ones that didn't have any trouble, but no such luck. For us, the Apidra stops working around the 18th hour in the slim. This means extra site/cartridge changes... kill me! Only six vials of Apidra to go... I'm trying not to throw away money, but I probably won't last that long.

Charging the t:slim... one day, I will actually remember to plug it in while he's in the shower. One day! The battery does last a while... thank goodness. I think I've only charged it twice since he started wearing it two weeks ago and it hasn't died yet. Can't say the same about the meter though. It will be nice not to spend all that money on batteries anymore.

Speaking of the meter... I still love the Verio IQ(aside from the need to charge it thing). Strips take way less blood then the Ultra strips and I have not had an error yet. I managed to score a Verio sync too... so I'll have to try and compare the two when I get a chance.

I am in hopes that the site changes will get easier. Cross your fingers for me.

Miss It Here...

I have found myself really missing my blog for the past couple months. REALLY missing it, more so than before. Wishing I had more time to sit down and really get it all out. Not that things are bad; they are actualy pretty good, but I can feel myself needing an outlet. That place where I can leave the shit, the worry, the stuff that's piling up because I'm holding it all in. I need the outlet so that I can fully enjoy the actual triumph(s) in front of me and not expload from overload. Afterall, that was the purpose of me starting this blog in the first place.

I think I took for granted the quiet time I use to have during the day when the kids were in school. At the time, before I went back to work full time, Justin was in elementary school with a nurse that was just as in tune to his diabetes as I am. She was a godsend. During the day, I had time to sit, in the quiet, and write about everything. Some things I published and some things still sit in my drafts box, years later, for me to look back on. Maybe one day I will have the courage to hit the publish button on those posts too. Back then, I had the opportunity to cry the quiet tears without anyone knowing. I miss the quiet sometimes.

Balancing work and home has it's definate challenges... doesn't leave space for the quiet time or even not-so-quiet extra time to sit in front of a computer and blog. I won't complain about my job, however, I know how fortunate I am to be able to work from home. I know how fortunate I am to be off work just as the kids are walking in the door from school. Though, as any job will, it has it's "sressful days", I really do actually like what I do. I'm grateful for that.

Diabetes has been, well...diabetes. Justin has started to step up on his own, he's trying new sites for his pump and really chiming in with how we handle cetain parts of his care. This  makes me proud and stressed all at the same time. He called me the other day for lunch, that converstaion went a little like this...
Me: "Hello"
Justin: "Hi mom, my bg is 127, but just so you know I was 50 in 3rd period so I had some skittles, and then on my way to 4th, I still felt low, so I just had some M&M's."
Me: (jaw on the floor) "okay, do what your pump says for lunch"

Did he even need to call me at that point??

On the flip side of that, he's really starting to get frustrated about being 'different". That's how he describes himself. "Different". That makes me sad. He shouldn't have to feel different. Though the cause of him feeling this way can't be balmed solely on D... all the gizomos and vibrating and blood and beeping... sure doesn't help. He asked me not not make him wear the CGM anymore... "the vibrate is loud and people stare". *sigh*

How do I help him feel less different?

 

Destination... Mud Run...Me # 3

I am going to steel this first part from Captain Jackson's Mama... altering to fit yours truly, of course.

If your late to the Destination...Mud Run.. Me ... I'll fill you in".  Hallie started Destination Me as a way to gain some "Me" time you can read about her journey here and my commitment to the journey and why I want to do it here. 

So how is it going...

If you remember, things didn't get going until right before post # 2... that whole Monday thing and all. Since then, I have continued to walk, not everyday, but the treadmill is still getting some action. I have come to the conclusion that no matter what I tell myself... if I do not get up early and walk, its not going to happen that day. I need to find a way to fix that since diabetes doesn't always get along with getting up at 5:45 am.

I have continued to eat better and have been sticking to logging for the Well Challenge I joined at work. As of yesterday, I am down 3 lbs. I am pretty excited about that.

I definitely need to drink more water. I fell off the wagon this weekend and went all crack addict on the Diet Coke. I regretted it on Monday when my hands swelled up from all the "water retention".

Sleep... I challenged myself to sleep. Really? Who am I kidding. I tried. I promise I did... and I even followed through and went to bed at 11:00 that first night. Too bad I woke up at some redonculous time in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep. My body just doesn't know how to act with more than a few hours at a time. After that, I think I managed to get in bed early one other night this past week... I will continue to work on that.

So there you have it... the good, the bad and the fall of the wagon.

This week I think I am just going to continue with what I am working on. I didn't master the whole sleep thing and lord knows I need to work o my water issues. I think that's worth an extra week of trying. On top of that I will add in that I need to walk more so I can start running... eventually.

A big THANKS to Captain Jackson's Mama for motivating me to get this week post out.

Destination... Mud Run... Me #2

And here we are... post #2 of destination me (inspired by Hallie). I will be honest... I have a tradition(if you will) about dieting. I like to start dieting on Monday. I secretly do this so I can binge eat until i'm sick or until all of the good "crap" is out of the house.

Can I call that last weeks goal?

If so, keep tradition... check!

I did actually start on Monday, by the way.

-One thing Hallie and I share is our love for coke, I am a diet girl, but I also prefer my diet coke over coffee any day. That said, I do know I have to give it up in order to reach my goal and I also know if I have it in the house I will never drink anything but that.

I drank my last diet coke Monday morning. We will see how that works out for me. (I'm actually breaking out in colds sweats just thinking about it... #feelinglikeacrackhead)

Yikes... enough about that before I ditch this post and make a Sonic run.

-I decided to sign up for the annual "Well Challenge(WC)" at work. The WC is an 8 week challenge. You can choose a goal, such as: weight challenge, fitness challenge, fruit and veggie challenge and a few more. I choose the weight challenge, of course, because that will make me focus on both diet and exercise all at once. I am required to log my daily food and exercise... so far, I have been on it!!! In the end, the ultimate goal in this challenge is to loose 5% of my current weight... that puts me right around 8-9lbs to lose in the 8 weeks. Then maybe... I could even win a trip, but I won't hold my breath on that one.

Today they sent me a motivational "badge" for sticking with it for 3 whole days... HOLLA!

Now here's the biggie... are you sitting down?

I have no idea how, but I also managed to drag my tired rump out of bed at 5:45am the past three days. THEN, I actually put my shoes on and walked on the treadmill. Granted, only for 30 min a day and I barely made it 2 miles, but hey... that is 130 min further than I was walking last week. Baby steps peeps!!! I will make it through that mud run even if I have to crawl.


Goal... I'm suppose to set one, right?

I think I may go with Hallie on this one. I am going to try and go to bed. I get an average of 4 1/2 - 5 hours of sleep per night. I need to change that if I want to reach my goal. I need sleep. My body needs sleep. Wish me lots of luck with this one... I probably have a better chance of giving up the diet coke.

Until next week.

More than D Mom...

"What do I stand for, what do I stand for,

most nights, I don't know, anymore...

~Some Nights by Fun

More than a DMom, AM I? Some days I don't know. Some days I feel like guilt and worry have taken over all of my being. They've consumed me. They have become my shadow.

After all, its not me that I will hurt if I screw this up. And even though I doubt he would ever place the blame on me, I would surly consume all of it.

I was 31 when Justin was dx'd. At the time I was the 1st VP(in charge of fundraising) for the PTA. I scrapbooked as a hobby and even made a little money doing it. I made all of my teachers gifts, I KNEW when teacher appreciation week was, I stayed on top of things(except maybe the laundry... I was never good at that), I had my shit together. I was lippy and spunky. I loved photography and always had my camera with me.


Today... I'm older than 31. I feel 41! I am still lippy, for sure, but I haven't touched a scrapbook in who knows how long. The only camera I carry is on my phone- in which I carry around by a death grip, ready to look up carb rates and communicate numbers. I have become really good at hiding emotions. I keep a straight face, even when my insides are screaming. I do this for Justin's sake. This burden is not for him to carry right now... he will have plenty of time for that later. I can see the toll this new life has taken on my face. I can see the worry in my eyes when I look in the mirror. I can assure you, as long as I live, that worry will be there whether I want it to be or not. 

Sometimes, I don't think people consider all the extras that come along with diabetes. Dealing with schools, strains on marriages, other children and friendships. Very few of us can say we didn't loose a friend or two through all of this. I understand that friendships come and go naturally at times, but when you are hurting over something so significant, so life altering... the pierce of loosing a friend hurts a whole lot more.

Some say that you should just do what you have to and move on. They say that I need to put "me" first. If you have the ability to do that... great! I certainly commend you, but I don't think that's a one size fits all solution. Some of us, choose to dive in head first and submerse ourselves in knowledge. Some choose advocacy as a way to give back or even cope. Some of us feel that by taking the burden for as long as we can will somehow help our children not burn out. And some of us have children, so young, that we don't have much option but living our life around all that D demands. It sucks, at times, but we choose to be that involved. We do this because we think, hope or pray that it will make a difference for their future. I, for one, don't feel that there is anything wrong with that.

But back to the question... Am I? Am I more that what I have become since D came into our lives 4 1/2 years ago? There was a time when my answer would have been no. There was a time when I was all alone. Lost. Swimming in numbers and medical supplies. However, time and new friendships have healed the open wounds. They are now scars; and though they may still be visible and sore... They are healing.

For me, going back to work has been both a blessing and a curse. On one hand it is my escape from the 24-7 that diabetes requires. I was forced to hand over some of the work load, which gives me a break, however, along with with handing it over, comes more guilt and more worry. Because I am not there.

Working also hinders being able to advocate for Justin's needs at school. More guilt. This has proven to be my most difficult challenge. The school, UGH! That is all I will say about that.

For me, working is a necessary inconvenience. Though I am grateful for my job, and I even like it, I didn't choose to go back to work. I wish I could have prolonged the inevitable a while longer, but D, that rotten, stinkin, no good, D... choose my fate for me. D is not cheep. Just another "extra" that comes along with diabetes.

Still the question remains...  Am I more than DMom? Sure! I am Justin's mom and Leighanna's mom. I am a work at home mom too. So I guess there is more mom to me than just D. It just seems that D is my most unruly of the bunch!



**This post is the brainchild of the uber awesome Hallie Addington, the “More than a D Mom” series. Posts will continue throughout this week and maybe even next week.

You can see Hallie's post from day one here.

And then be sure to check out the dangerously fabulous, Meri's post from day two here.

Up next, a DMom full of Candy Hearts, Wendy, will hosting the "More than A DMom" series. Be sure to pop on over tomorrow to read Wendy's take on things.

The DOC Rocks - The School... not-so-much

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” 
― John Holmes

This really is a great community. Anything from medical supplies to information... it's yours when you need it. I asked one person for a help; and not only did he help me... he recruited others to help me too. Thank you, Scott, for not only getting me the information I needed, but also giving the strength to pick myself back up and go another round.

I haven't been able to sleep much.The upcoming meeting at Justin's school had my mind in constant motion. Oh, did I mention that? Yeah, we had a meeting a few weeks ago. I've been through these meetings before, but this is a new school for Justin. We are no longer in the comfort of an elementary school. I've never volunteered here. I didn't spend years on the board. I have never built a relationship with anyone. I couldn't... I had to go back to work instead.

So this meeting(the one a few weeks ago)- it went "okay". I asked for an additional accommodation because Justin seems to be "missing" stuff. He has a shit load of stuff going on... on top of D, Justin was dx'd with absent seizures, meaning he "looses time". Granted there's medication for this, but let me tell you... I'm not sure which is worse, the medication or the seizures themselves. That's a couple of the challenges Justin faces... he has other medical dx's as well, all of which mess with the mind and impairs brain function. One alone may or may not be easily overcome, but all together... he needs a little help. Simple.as.that! I think we do pretty damn well considering.

But I digress...

Due to seizures, side effects of medication(ie: memory loss, inability to focus, loss of time etc...) I asked for communication, however the teacher wanted to go about it, of all assignments that needed to be completed at home- in order to ensure they are completed and turned in on time. This is an issue... he missing instructions.

I was there well over two hours... the teachers had to leave long before I did(apparently they have classes to teach?? I dunno!) so the excuse that day was that the teachers weren't there to "agree". I thought we were all on the same page before they left, but okay.

So I hear nothing... I give it a week and reach out the guidance counselor. I get a call back and argue my point, once again, before she reluctantly agrees. I was told I would have the updated 504 to look at by the end of that week.

Instead, I get an email with an apology. Another entire week goes by - so that following Monday I call. You see, we were suppose to have the 504 in place before conference night(which was tonight); when I called... conference night was only 3 days away.

Finally, Tuesday afternoon, Justin brings home the new plan. It reads "Justin will write the assignments in his agenda. At the end of class he will give it to the teacher to initial and if the assignments are not there... the teacher will communicate with parent". Great! Give Justin an opportunity and add in a back up plan, right?

I was okay with this and signed the new plan thinking everything was set. Only, it wasn't. Apparently, "some" of the teachers did not agree. "They don't feel it is their responsibility to communicate his assignments with me". WHY DIDN'T WE CONSULT THEM AT SOME POINT IN THE LAST THREE WEEKS??????????? Wasn't that the point of not doing it that day??? Mind you... I didn't get a call about that. I found out at the conference; the conference where we were going to "go over the new plan with the teacher". UN FUCKING BELIEVABLE!!! So essentially, that conference was a waist of my time because I now have to go to ANOTHER meeting, where the district ESE supervisor will be called in to "hash it out".

Believe me, I am not asking for a free ride here, I am not ignorant to the fact that things will get more challenging as Justin gets older. I worry every single day about my choices, but the alternative is to do nothing and let him fail, when he did not choose to have these disabilities. He did not choose to take this medication... I am the one who hands it to him every single day.

HE had no say in the matter.

I have no choice but to help him... it is my job. I will just have faith that it will all work out in the end and I will have to face the future... well, in the future.

Five Question Friday... 11/30/12

To learn more about 5QF visit Five Crooked Halos

1. What do you give teachers for gifts?
This year, I'm stumped/torn, both kids are in middle school... when do you stop? I didn't do anything for Leighanna's teachers last year because she was in middle school, but part of me feels that I need to "take care of" Justin's teachers so that they will "take care of" him. Does that make sense?


 What to do? What to do?
2. Do you text? One finger texter or total pro?
Dude! Total pro!!!... and then I watch Leighanna text and realize I am way out of touch with reality.

3. Do you give back during the holidays? If so, in what way/which is your favorite charity?
This year we are helping out a co-worker who is sick. She is a single mom with 3 kids and had to go on FMLA; so the department "adopted" the family for Christmas. Please say a prayer for her and her kiddos.

4. If you would've been the sole winner of the 575+ million dollar Powerball jackpot, what would you have done with all that money?
D-mama party!!!! I would even give stripper shoes away as party favors... cuz that's how I roll.


5. Will you please take just a moment to spread the word and pray about my friend's missing family members? There still is no news, and I can't imagine their pain and worry. Facebook prayer page: Prayers for Trista, Shy and Matt
Prayers all around on this last day of November. We may not always realize it, but we have a whole lot to be thankful for.

Happy Friday!!



This one hurt my heart...

I was just calming my battered emotions following a "tiff" with Anthony. He doesn't feel I should email a teacher concerning an assignment Justin was penalized for turning in late. The day he was suppose to "write the assignment in his agenda" his BG was 48. The work was turned in the next day, yet this "penalization" dropped his grade from a 100% to a 60%. Kinda harsh, I thought.


We had been fighting lows that entire week following changes the Endo had made. No matter what we did... we couldn't get him above of the 50's; this went on for over a week. Even after breaking the 3 day rule and making daily changes. The teacher even commented about sending him to the nurse all that week. 
Plus there's the weather... Justin's insulin needs change with the weather(I swear I'm not making this up). This is the downside to living in Florida... hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold; adjust, adjust, adjust... we cant make up our weather-lovin minds.


Anywho... we were "tiff-ing" (I might have made that word up) about it. In our 504 meeting... I mentioned Justin needing help with writing assignment in his agenda; for several reason, but Especially when D is acting up. We have this accommodation, SO WHY SHOULDN'T I EMAIL HER????

He was 48, "when he's low... his seizures increase". I've TOLD them this. Seizures mean he to looses time, doesn't hear whats being said. We have accommodations for this, SO WHY SHOULDN'T I EMAIL HER????

Anthony feels he needs to be more responsible, but is letting him fail, literally fail, going to teach him any sort of lesson? At 11 years old... should HE be responsible for going to the teachers and saying "ya know, I was a little low yesterday, I need more time." Would they even listen?  Doesn't he DEAL with enough??

Wait, I'm off on a tangent; back to the beginning...
So I was just calming my battered emotions following this "tiff". My first call returning to work was an emergency room admit for an 8 year old boy(just 1 year older than Justin was at dx). Guess why he was admitted... newly diagnosed T1D. My heart dropped. My eyes then filled with tears as the thoughts of challenges this family will face ran through my mind...

Every email that will have to be sent.
Every "tiff" about what should or shouldn't be done.
Every decision about what is right and what is wrong.
Every "adjustment" made.
Every night time number that you pray will not drop to low.
Every fight for accommodations and/or safety.
Every day of sadness.

Every bit of it tore through my heart for this family as I choked on every broken word I spoke.


I know the bigger issue here was the fact that I had to defend my sending the email with someone who is suppose to support me. Someone who is suppose to support Justin. If something happens to me... is Justin left to fail? Why do I even have to worry and think about that possibility? The thought scares me.

I know Justin will have to take responsibility one day... I struggle with the "when" in that every day. Right now, however, I feel that I would be setting him up to fail. Can he handle failure emotionally? I can't honestly say I believe he can... he bottles everything up as it is.

So what do I do? SOMEBODY, PLEASE tell me. 

Thirteen!

Time. Where does it go?

This week Leighanna turned thirteen. My 4lb baby girl... a teenager. OY! I'm not really feeling that age much, ya know?!?! Or this teen attitude for that matter.

Anywho.... I have NO IDEA what to get her. NOT ONE! Okay, I have already picked up some clothes so I guess I did have one idea, but you know what I mean. Now, before you say "ask her", I did. Didn't get me anywhere. I thought about getting her an iphone because she is asking for a smart phone and if I'm going to get one I want to be able to send her emojicons(all about the emojicons) and most of her friends have them. She wouldn't get the 5 or anything, Verizon is offering the 4 for free. Of course we have to add in the data package. My issue with that is they break so darn easy and its so expensive to fix them. I'm not sure if she's responsible enough to take care of it. After all, she's is on her second ipod touch; and the screen was broken within like 2 days of her getting it. To trust or not to trust?? Then I was looking into a really cool Viola. Right now we rent one and it seems as if she is going to stick with it. But she is still growing, so I don't know if getting one now would be smart.

Past that... I have nothing and her party is THIS SUNDAY!!!

HELP ME PLEASE!!!! I NEED IDEAS!!! 

She loves to cook

She loves to dance and sing

She Loves all things nail polish

She's a prissy girly girl

And to help you think I will share a few of my favorite photos. I was looking at them today... *sniff sniff*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISSY!!

Why 4 was tough...

We just passed Justin's 4 year Di-aversary  and I have to say... this one was a little tough. If you've been around a while, you know we don't "celebrate" Justin's DX anniversaries. This is a choice I made because he was diagnosed just two days before Leighanna's birthday; and I honestly feel that she has to stand in the shadows of D way to much as it is. This year she turned 13... (THIRTEEN!!) and damnit, she needs attention too.

Justin started the morning of his di-aversary with the 1st of several vomiting episodes after a long night of high bg's, I was tired. I had shit to do. And my vomiting son had high Ketones. As I sat at the kitchen table, looking at a sweet 11 year old boy, who felt a kind of sickness that I will never truly know, I couldn't help but go back to that place I was a few years ago. I was sad and mad and I wanted to scream. I think it was the day. On THAT day, diabetes should behave. THAT day is a day to have dessert, just because, and be thankful we are lucky enough to be here. THAT day is a day to say F YOU diabetes... I made it through another year, but instead, diabetes showed us.

And that just pisses me off!

Day 24, NaBloPoMo

Mom You Suck... a repost

On this relaxing Sunday(because I haven't done crap today), I dug way back to October 2010 for a re-post of "Mom You Suck... 2010". I always get a chuckle out of this one as I remember that morning.

                                      .....................

Yep, that's right... I said I suck. I can feel a little "suckity" right now. This is worse than last year when I lost my "Mom of the year award".

Wanna know why??? 

If  not, click out now... cuz its my blog and I'm tellin!

If so, grab a beverage, sit back and I will tell you all about it.

It started out at 2am when I didn't hear the alarm to check Justin. You can imagine my panic when I heard the words "what time do you need to get up" from Anthony. He asks this every morning because some days I can sneak in an extra 15. PANIC is not my idea of a pleasant way to wake up. I scurried off to Justin's room who JUST.SO.HAPPENED to have good numbers over night for the first time in weeks.

After a sigh of relief, I carried on with the morning in the usual way. Justin is in his typical dawdling mood where any form of direction has to be repeated ten times before he even acknowledges that there are actual words spilling from my mouth.

Because of the already frantic way in which I awoke... I was particularly on edge and growing substantially more agitated with every repeat command that certain parties remained oblivious to. I wont name names (starts with a "J" and ends with "ustin") because that would not be polite.

So as I go through the motions...
"get up! get up! get up!"
"check ur blood! check ur blood! check ur blood!"
"choose ur breakfast! choose ur breakfast! check ur blood! choose ur breakfast!"
 "STOP chasing the dog... CHOOSE your breakfast... CHECK your blood!" ahhhhh! This goes on, but you get the point.

As usual we are behind. We need to leave the house by 7:15am to catch the bus. I have to work so Justin not "feelin the flo" is only setting me up to look like the crazy lady in the office with my mis-matched closes and improperly paired shoes because I will be lucky to get a good teeth brushin in this morning (hey! Just because my hair isnt brushed and my clothes are a mess doesn't mean I have to have stank breath).

So after my second verse of "get dressed, wheres your shoes, get your socks, brush your hair, brush your teeth... solo. (side note... at 7:14 the nameless offspring still did not have his socks and shoes on OR his mop brushed).  Things in mama-ville start getting all tornado tyrant. Arms flailing, exorcist voice streaming the "word of Lora" through the halls of me casa. Was not pretty! I decided at that moment (as I have in past tangents) that THIS.WAS.IT!! NO.MORE!! YOU WILL DO THIS AND YOU WILL DO THAT!!! OR ELSE!!! The look on Justin's face let me know that he would take my words seriously for the next five minutes, but to be prepared because tomorrow is a new day.

Now, we are dressed... ready to go... until I realize that I have no bra(white t-shirt) and no shoes laying in there usual spot because we have to keep them from the puppy. (shish-kabob!!... yeah, I didn't think you'd believed that's what I actually said) I scramble around with more flailing fashion... find shoes (no need to be crazy AND barefoot)... grab the dog to carry across my slingshot-less chest and we sprint out the door.   

As we round the street corner, the bus pulls up. Were moving along as I apologize to Justin for my tantrum(not those words) and let him know that he need to start getting up and get motivated in the mornings. You know the speech... your getting older bla bla bla.

We are half way to destination big yellow bus when Justin pulls D'Com(CGM) out of his pocket and says "I'm low with an arrow down".

WHAT!!!!! You've gotta be F*ing kidding me.

This is where my suckity motherly thinking skills come into question... Rather than being calm and logical and taking him home when I read 47 on his CGM; I opted to go into "fix it and shove him on the bus mode". That's right... here is how it went.

You remember... "I'm low with an arrow down", right? Well, we will start from there. Picture this... crazy mom with white T, no bra, puppy draped across chest, now literally running in a circular motion (kind of like that game where you stuck your forehead on the bat and run in circles until your dizzy) in search of the one back pack pocket(out of 20... stupid pockets) that has the glucose tabs. Bus is waiting, 7 other moms, a dad and a German Shepard all staring as I frantically unzip and re zip above mention possible hiders of the tabs. One nice mom runs up and offers some help... I toss her poor scared puppy thus exposing my not so perky anymore cuz I'm getting older girls and continue to search.

FINALLY, I find tabs and start walking at  a fast and frantic pace towards the bus (as if this was a good plan) while handing Justin 3 tabs saying "eat, eat em, eat them now" and sticking the tube back into what I hope was the right pocket(not that that matters). I look at the bus driver who's mouth has now hit the floor and say" he's running a little low, please keep an eye on him and I will call the nurse".

That's right... I put my child, who was low, on the bus.
After it was over... it hit me. What did I just do? I should have brought him home. Why didn't I just bring him home?

Of course I called the nurse. I was pretty embarrassed to admit how much I suck, but I had to let her know.

30 minutes later I received a phone call. "Just wanted to let you know that Leighanna(love that girl) walked Justin straight here. He did not go to the classroom. His BG is now 119 per meter and the CGM has one arrow up slow.

Phew, it was okay this time... I can breath and Justin survives my excellent parenting skills one more time.

Happy Sunday

12 of 12... October 2012

On the 12th day of each month bloggers from all over the world take 12 photos of their day. Though I learned about 12 of 12 courtesy of Mike; the 12 of 12 project was Chad's idea, you can go to his website to see the links of all the people who participated this month.

I really don't have a whole lot of excitement  going on now that I'm working from home. There are no shoes to choose and no joggers running down the road to be all stalker-ish and post pictures of.

This is pretty much what I look at all day...

I do have to say that being in a room, by yourself, all day long will make you get excited about the little things; such as Pandora posting the Lyrics to the song that's playing...

It may also make you ponder, for days, about how you are going to get all the crap from these file cabinet draws, to fit neatly in the newly installed draws that seem to be way smaller. 

You may get super annoyed watching the dog take                               the nap you desperately need yourself.

But then a PB&Fluff sandwich for lunch will make him super annoyed with you... #satisfaction

You will for sure get excited to see these people when they get home. Even if you taking their picture gets in the way of them playing their game... 

Apparently, some get more annoyed than others...

You may decide to hit the Red Box for tonight's feature presentation of Dark Shadows and Snow White and the Huntsman.

You may also treat the kiddos to the Golden Arches and 

in turn yourself because you're not cooking. 

You may even win some fries for future cravings...

Then, if you're super lucky, McDonald's may treat you with this...

and maybe some of this...

Which makes you whip out this...

Damn Diabetes!!

Advocating...

ad·vo·cat·e, ad·vo·cat·ing, ad·vo·cates. 

To speak, plead, or argue in favor of.   

     

Several years ago I was in a meeting with the school principal. I made a comment, a slip of the tongue, and said something like "I have been fighting for him for a long time". She responded with "we don't like to use the word "fight". 

Yeah, I'm sure they don't.

There are very few people who know the full background of my sweet Justin. Very few people who know that when he was young we had him tested for Autism, then Aspergers and so on. There are few people who know the countless days I spent waiting in OT and speech therapy offices. I don't retell the story of the teacher the kindergarten teacher that, very loudly, announced in the hallway at drop off she felt Justin was OCD; because he was picking at dried glue. I try not to share the story about the teacher who put him in the closet. Yes, I said the closet; it happened in preschool, when Justin was only 3. 

But isn't that part of advocating? Sharing your story to let others know they are not alone. 

I have been fighting advocating for Justin for more than ten years. I'm a little worn out, but my job can not be done quite yet. I'm starting to wonder if it will ever be done. I have visions of me calling corporate bosses to tell them Justin NEEDS his snack and that he MUST be able to bring his work home to complete. They won't want me to go down there. 

To me... advocating is directly connected to fighting. I wish it felt differently, but I always seems to be fighting with someone. The school, the insurance company, the doctor that wants to treat in a way I don't feel comfortable with. I have however learned, over the years, to not back down and choose my wording wisely because it could mean the difference between getting what your child needs and them getting the bare minimum. As an advocate, I think it's sad words can cost our kids so much. 

I have learned, the older Justin gets, the harder it becomes to advocate for him. With each added diagnosis, it gets harder to word your concerns in such a way that they don't sound like a bunch of excuses. School has to be the hardest... instead of a couple teachers, we now have seven. Keeping up with seven different teachers, in addition to making them understand, kind of sucks (or in proper terms... it's unsatisfactory)? 

My most valuable lesson in all of this has come over time. Time has showed me that it has ALL been worth it. Every bout of anger, every tear, every phone call and email sent has all been worth it. I've witnessed it's worth as I have watched Justin grow. I have witnessed how far he has come in spite of those who give up because he has been blessed by those who won't. I have had the chance to watch a child grow everyday that could have easily been chalked off to a behavior problem, and almost was, when all he really needed was a different approach and someone to care enough about him.


To be honest, I had hoped to hang up my advocacy belt soon, only I know I still have a long road ahead. Not nearly as long as Justin's, but I have to lay the groundwork for him now; and that's a big load to haul. All I can do is keep truckin along and pray with all my being that what I can do will be enough. I don't have any other choice if I want Justin to have a fighting chance. Hmm, there goes that "fighting" word again.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to all of those who didn't give up and have been influential, to both of us, along the way.  

     

Sunday Night Confessions...

Just in case you don't know... Sunday night confessions will be short, some silly, some serious once a month-ish confession post to clear the mind. I don't intend for this to become a heavy post, but who knows... It will just depend on the mood. Since it may stick around for a while, I suppose I should make a sassy little header for it (I stole the one above off Google). Maybe I can get around to that tomorrow.

Let the confessing begin... 
-Last night we watched The Avengers; WAY better than my last movie choice. Captain America is a hottie and the body on Thor isn't all that terrible to look at either.

-D Mama fail...Today when I went to bolus Justin for lunch, I got the bolus canceled tune. He only had 4 units left in his pump and I was trying to bolus him for 5. I had to go all back in the day and whip out the syringe since he was already shoveling the food in.

-I have to admit that since I've been working from home it's been a little "bra optional" around here. I do wear cami's with built in bras and stuff, but going all "free" is not like me. The hubs has noticed and made a comment; this is my response... (just ignore that 315)
    

This is the kind of shit my husband has to deal with. He didn't respond BTW. So not fun!

-Back to that 315. Justin was fine at breakfast, 80's I think, then 315 at lunch. By the time snack/PE rolled around... 

Lets also just ignore that request for french onion dip, k.

419?!@? What the shit? Anthony questioned whether or not I changed his site, to be honest... I'm questioning it myself, but I would NEVER admit that. 

Wait, I sure hope he doesn't read this. 

Well, it is this D mama's night off, so I'm outie. What do you confess?

Five Question Friday...

We interrupt this NaBlPoMo for a little 5QF fun... and lets face it, I'm already tired of talking about my mask. Gonna be a long month, just sayin!

I will be a good girl and still post the NaBloPoMo logo

Along with the prompt I am suppose to write about:       
How good are you at telling a lie? 

Heck, I will even answer it... I'm pretty damn good and can even do it with a straight face, you?

Nuff of that, lets move on...

To learn more about 5QF go HERE

**I do love me some 5QF, check out Mama M's blog and find out how to submit your 5QF question suggestions by following the link above.**
 
1. What album/cd/download are you embarrassed to admit you have?

I do believe we established the answer to this question when someone (I won't mention any names) made the embarrassing Brass Monkey video.


2. What's the one thing your spouse does better than you?

Directions... he's like my own personal map quest. Except is ticks me off when he says stupid shit like "go south" and "turn north". Who the hell knows which was is north...
RIGHT OR LEFT, MR. MAPQUEST, RIGHT.OR.LEFT!

3. When do you start buying Halloween Candy?

Are we talking the candy I'm eating or the candy I'm planning to hand out, cuz it make a difference.


4. Family closets - Yay or nay?

Wha?? Family closet?!?! They have closets in their own room, I'm still trying to get Mr. Mapquest out of mine.
Maybe if you count the hillbilly clothesline in the garage; that's kind of community clothes hanging property.

Is there really such thing as a family closet?

5. Which home/cleaning chore do you hate the most? Why?   Laundry!!! I.can't.stand.laundry. I hate sorting it, I hate switching the cold, wet pile of mess from the washer to the dryer. I hate folding and finding stains... ugh! Would that be enough reasons why?      

So I guess that's it for this 5QF... I'll be here all month(sorry), is there anything else you would like to know??  

 

 

 

 

 

No D Day and NaBloPoMo

So it's "no D day"(read more about that HERE) and the first day of my spontanious acceptance of the October National Blog Posting Month challenge (aka NaBloPoMo) (read more about that HERE.

Now here we are; torn between No D Day and explaining why I wanted to participate in this months NaBloPoMo challenge. I may just have to do two posts in one... here we go.

NaBloPoMo:

Yes, I am jumping into the NaBloPoMo challenge once again. Why the hell would I do that???

                                                                                                                   Pa-leeeze, its because I've lost all my sense.

When I saw the topic for October, "TAKE OFF YOUR MASK", all I could think was "could there be a more perfect topic these days?". I can't promise I will make it to the end without missing a day, I can't promise that my mask will come all the way off and I can't promise you won't get tired of me talking about my mask, but what the heck... I'm going to give it a go. HEY, I didn't even mention that "thing" I'm not allowed to mention :)

No D Day:

Lets just face it, Ninjabetic is just plain cool and if he says not to talk about the "thing" then I'm not talkin about the "thing". Besides... this gives me a chance to tell you all about moving day.

I am so excited!!! This addition has been in the the works since the end of May. It has taken forever, but today was moving day and I am finally in my new office. Here's a few pictures of our torture journey... 

We sort of started here... this was after the concerete was raised.

Looks a little like progress.

My bedroom was a mess!!

My living room was a mess!

and there were holes where there shouldn't be holes!

But then everything started to come together.

 

 Justin learned to drywall

 While I learned how to make a magnetic wall

See the three little magnets on that wall? You might have to really look :/ 

Long story short... we are at moving day.

Sissy cooked dinner so that we could "move".

Moving out in progress...

Anthony is "hookin me up"

and tomorrow, I will be working in my new office

Oakley has already claimed his spot... under my feet.

 Happy No D Day!