Wednesday, November 28, 2012

This one hurt my heart...

I was just calming my battered emotions following a "tiff" with Anthony. He doesn't feel I should email a teacher concerning an assignment Justin was penalized for turning in late. The day he was suppose to "write the assignment in his agenda" his BG was 48. The work was turned in the next day, yet this "penalization" dropped his grade from a 100% to a 60%. Kinda harsh, I thought.

We had been fighting lows that entire week following changes the Endo had made. No matter what we did... we couldn't get him above of the 50's; this went on for over a week. Even after breaking the 3 day rule and making daily changes. The teacher even commented about sending him to the nurse all that week. 
Plus there's the weather... Justin's insulin needs change with the weather(I swear I'm not making this up). This is the downside to living in Florida... hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold; adjust, adjust, adjust... we cant make up our weather-lovin minds.

Anywho... we were "tiff-ing" (I might have made that word up) about it. In our 504 meeting... I mentioned Justin needing help with writing assignment in his agenda; for several reason, but Especially when D is acting up. We have this accommodation, SO WHY SHOULDN'T I EMAIL HER????

He was 48, "when he's low... his seizures increase". I've TOLD them this. Seizures mean he to looses time, doesn't hear whats being said. We have accommodations for this, SO WHY SHOULDN'T I EMAIL HER????

Anthony feels he needs to be more responsible, but is letting him fail, literally fail, going to teach him any sort of lesson? At 11 years old... should HE be responsible for going to the teachers and saying "ya know, I was a little low yesterday, I need more time." Would they even listen?  Doesn't he DEAL with enough??

Wait, I'm off on a tangent; back to the beginning...
So I was just calming my battered emotions following this "tiff". My first call returning to work was an emergency room admit for an 8 year old boy(just 1 year older than Justin was at dx). Guess why he was admitted... newly diagnosed T1D. My heart dropped. My eyes then filled with tears as the thoughts of challenges this family will face ran through my mind...

Every email that will have to be sent.
Every "tiff" about what should or shouldn't be done.
Every decision about what is right and what is wrong.
Every "adjustment" made.
Every night time number that you pray will not drop to low.
Every fight for accommodations and/or safety.
Every day of sadness.

Every bit of it tore through my heart for this family as I choked on every broken word I spoke.

I know the bigger issue here was the fact that I had to defend my sending the email with someone who is suppose to support me. Someone who is suppose to support Justin. If something happens to me... is Justin left to fail? Why do I even have to worry and think about that possibility? The thought scares me.

I know Justin will have to take responsibility one day... I struggle with the "when" in that every day. Right now, however, I feel that I would be setting him up to fail. Can he handle failure emotionally? I can't honestly say I believe he can... he bottles everything up as it is.

So what do I do? SOMEBODY, PLEASE tell me. 


Nicole said...

You for sure send the email :) No way with a 45 he is responsible!! that is why when they are low they can't be on their own. That is why you have the 504 plan because sometimes things come up or down (in this case) and accommodations are made...BUT THAT IS JUST THE MOM IN ME. Sorry :(

Hallie Addington said...

You send the email. He has those accommodations for a reason. Not following them sets the precedent that they aren't that important or are only important sometimes. Especially with the teachers track record of problems taking D seriously... He's too young to be responsible for that. One day. Just not today.
I'm sorry. It sucks all around. I was in tears reading this. It just all sucks.

Robin said...

Hi, you don't know me and I'm fairly new to all the diabetes stuff but I wanted to comment. My daughter was diagnosed almost a year ago, she was 9.

I just feel like their poor little minds have a million things more to remember then any other kid out there. Every day they have to think about if they have everything they need at any given moment. So even if a low doesn't happen they still have so many more things to think about and yet they are still kids.

But then sometimes their brain starts to shut down because of a low. I just figure they have an entire lifetime to deal with this junk, so if on occasion I can offer a little reprieve from being ultra responsible then I'll do it. Do they need to learn to do it all at some point? Yes. But everyone needs to be thrown a bone once in a while.

So far this year has shown me that diabetes really stinks.

Joanne said...

Send it... No question. When Elise is below 50, she usually can't remember what happened. She loses time and I don't thin it's fair for our kiddos to be held responsible for something outside of your control.

And yeah, it sucks that someone who is supposed to have your backs is totally missing the point. The good thing? You didn't miss the point and you do have your son's back. Thank goodness he has you.

I don't mean to dump on your husband, but I really think he is wrong here.

Kelly said...

Hit the send button sister!

Our Diabetic Warrior said...

I would definitely send it. They need to understand the seriousness of the situation.

Sarah said...

I would send it, explain to the hubbster that you agree that your child needs to be responsible, however at 11 when he still doesn't fully understand the effect of his lows and seizures he can't have that level of responsibility. I greatly appreciate you being so in tune to your son's emotional side of d, my husband had a hard time with this as his family was a bit more stoic (military) and just kept going post dx without really discussing the effects of highs/lows. We still to this day have to talk about it, he wants to keep going but sometimes I need him to fully take care of himself so that he can take care of other things next. THis is a big deal.

Denise aka Mom of Bean said...


Yes, he's 11 and he is at the age where he should be taking on more responsibility. HOWEVER, with D and the seizures, he gets extra time to learn those lessons, in my parental and teacher opinion.
You have the 504 for these exact reasons, and if the teacher needs to be reminded, then by hell, remind the teacher!!
(I had to remind Bean's teacher not too long ago about in range numbers for test taking because she didn't take Bean's word for it or take the ten seconds to consult the copy of the 504 she had IN HER ROOM!!)

We have to fight these battles until our kids can fight them on their own, and in Justin's case, that might be a bit longer than another kid.

Tell the Captain he's WRONG on this one ;) and tell the teacher she's obnoxious for taking that much off for being a day late. OK, maybe don't say those things out loud! ;)

Unknown said...

We have a deal with E's teacher that if she can't get to something because of diabetes, we just write "Dolphin" on it (she holds up a photo of a dolphin in class if she feels low) - the teacher excuses her from the assignment. Totally unreasonable to take 40% off his grade because D got in the way. Write a very nice email and send it. I always have to remind myself that people are more willing to accomodate a nice request versus a verbal lashing :) Marriage + Diabetes = HARD !!

NikDuck said...

SEND IT! You are right, you have a 504 that addresses this exact issue, and they aren't abiding by it, so they need to be reminded. He can't be held responsible for his actions when his BG was that low. I have an 11 year old boy (non-D) and I would definitely send it if we were in this same situation with him.

That breaks my heart to hear about a new diagnosis. Just remembering back to that day and how everyone makes it sound so "manageable" and now we know what a nightmare and 24 hour thing it is to actually attempt to "manage" it. Let us know how it turns out with the teacher! Nicole

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