T-Slim - I'm beginning to love you...

Seems crazy, but Justin has been pumping with the t:slim for two months already. I am actually starting to love it. I admit, there are a few features I do miss about the Ping, but I would say the same about the slim if Justin switched back at this point.

Just for giggles, I took some time to re-read my two day and two week review of the t:slim. Lots has changed in two months.

One thing that I am really in awe about is the customer service at Tandem. It is AWESOME!! My local rep, the reps at FFL and even when I called on the phone recently... all awesome! This is defiantly a welcomed change after the last several month trying to deal with Animas' 45min hold times and month long delays in supply orders.

Back to the Tandem CS... You may remember from my first post that Justin's t:clip broke within a few hours of us starting the slim. Well... I called and they actually replaced it. I couldn't believe it.. for real! I thought for sure, they would just apologize, but they apparently stand behind their product and that alone makes me feel good about standing behind them. In addition to that, we have not had any more issues with the t:clips. Maybe that was just a freak thing.

I also mentioned in my first post that I needed to find the quick bolus button... found it!!
Apparently there is this thing... they call it a reference guide and it has a table of contents or something?!?!?! But don't let that throw you off... it has pictures and easy steps to follow. Perfect for a girl who is anti-directions!!

Side note: I could have just asked Justin, but we won't talk about that. I'll just be proud of my accomplishment in figuring it out and ignore the fact that he was not impressed because it was old news to him.

Moving on... One of my biggest complaints about the slim has been the cartridge change. I am pleased to say that I have found a groove and its not taking me AS long... its still not something I'll be able to slam out 5 min before the bus comes, like I did with the Ping, but I've lost the urge to jab something with the fill needle during the change process. Progress, my friends, progress.

Oh, and I gave up on the Apidra. It wasn't worth chancing... all I needed was for it to crystallize in the middle of the night and Justin end up sick. Plus, switching before school starts gave me an opportunity to get use to the Humalog again.

Justin's favorite part... With each site change comes a case change.The mix-n-match case is one of Justin's favorite things about the slim. I totally get why. He says he needs a few more colors, so I'm thinking stocking suffers... IF I can hold him off that long.

As far as concerns go, this was a big one... the reverse correction. It doesn't subtract from the suggested bolus unless your BG is 69 or under. I consider this a safety issue for the younger users. Justin is 13, and understands what needs to be done. He is capable of handling it in a non-hectic summer setting, but I'm curious to see how this goes when school starts next week.
On a positive note... when Tandem submitted the Slim/G4 combo to the FDA recently, they also added this to the updated pump. They are listening to their customers and that makes me happy. Unfortunately, we know how speedy the FDA is... sooo, there's that. You can read about it on Diabetes Mine.

Charging is one of those things that I will resolve to get better about... that's all I've got. Justin is currently riding on about 65% battery(better than my phone, which is at 27%). Luckily, the battery in the slim lasts a really long time between charges and when I do remember to plug it in, it doesn't take long to get to 100%. Its the remembering that gets me, but as long as I can remember at least once a week... we are okay. Added bonus: I plugged Justin in the other day while he was on the computer and another day while we were in the car. So there are plenty of convenient charging options.

This pump is definitely growing on me and Justin loves it. I miss my remote the most, however, especially at might when I'm standing on a shelving unit, digging under the covers, in hunt of the all mighty pancreas... loft beds are not d-mom friendly.

FFL 2014...

I have had three weeks to organize my thoughts about Friends for Life 2014, but I'm not sure if the next six months could help properly portray all the wonderfulness of those five days. Last year I wrote all about the "truth" of FFL in pictures, and to be honest, this year was much of the same... I have many pics of friends laughing and hanging out like we've known each other all our lives; it definitely feels that way. We are family, after all, and distance doesn't separate us one bit.

I'll start out with the "were on our way" pic I texted to a few of my fellow D-Moms. Maybe a warning, of sorts, that trouble is on its way :) 

Just like last year, I found this chic... or she found me. Potato - Potato.

Sorry Meri... I posted it again(and I'm linking) without permission #becauseyoutoldmeno 

Then there was "Moms Group"...

 Pineapple drinks at the pool...

 Some race car driving...

Teen Dances... CWD takes very good care of our kiddos.

Fireworks...

and a whole lot of fun with friends.

I admit, I go to FFL for myself just as much as I go for Justin. It's a time for both of us to be surrounded by the feeling of "same". Almost five years ago(next month) I started this blog. At the time I felt lost, alone and in a dark hole that continued to spiral deeper and deeper. Then I met a handful of ladies...

Meri, Hallie and Heather were among them. We all "clicked" and have remained friends, even after the Sunday night chats dwindled away. I owe them, along with a few others, my sanity. Without them... I would be a crazy(ier) mess. 

Not that the kids mind since they are too busy to care where I am anyways...

Leighanna was excited  Sweets come to FFL this year and really loved hanging out with her.

And Justin seems to find his voice while were there... that's a good feeling. 

On Sunday morning, it was really hard to say goodbye to those I love more than words... 

We hung out...

and laughed...

Until they literally dragged us away...

I missed them as soon as I hugged their necks goodbye.

Until we meet again my friends.

Pumping with T:slim

It's official, we are now part of the t:slim family. 

Its been less than 48 hours, but his excitement has made all my concerns take a back seat. 

Mind you, I have not had to do a site change, YET. When we went to training, the CDE did the first cartridge fill to show me how its done. We may have to revisit my stress level after I do one on my own... thank goodness for youtube, I guess.

So far the pump has been great. Aside from trying to bolus him a few times from the Ping remote(twice... for realz), I think we're adjusting to the new(by "we're" I mean Justin, btw). I need to pack away that remote so I'm not temped, but first, I need to find a meter that will use those strips(aside from the mini). I DO absolutely LOVE the Verio IQ. I plan to switch to it, but the supply hoarder in me has about 6 months worth of the ultra test strips to use. Plus, I need to make sure my insurance will cover the Verio strips... all those "non-preferred" supplies and all.

I really hope they do because the light at the end of that baby is AWESOME(said in my singing voice).

I had no idea what I've been missing all this time... I was light deprived.

So just to be all official, here are my initial thoughts on the t:slim...

I love the ease of it - even an old mom like me can figure out how to use it(although I do still need to find the quick bolus button).

I love that I can see the IOB (and the duration) right on the home screen - this feature saves a lot of button pushes(and guessing).

Justin loves it - which makes any of the following worth dealing with.

It.is.so.slow - last minute, right before you run out the door, site changes are a thing of the past. The slim goes at its own pace and there's no rushin it. It also boluses slow.

**In all fairness, I was warned about this though**

There are A LOT of confirmation screens - also warned and probably more of an annoyance to Justin then it is to me.

I do have one REALLY valid complaint though... The T:clip

He had only been wearing it for about three hours and a t:clip bit the dust.

All he did was get out of the car and bam... pump was hanging from the tube.

At almost $20 bucks a piece... these should really be a little more durable. Thankfully this one was given to us, so it didn't hurt... as bad, anyways.

Change... No Es Bueno!

I hate change. Just the thought of it makes me uneasy. It scares me.

From the outside you would never know. I adapt extremely well to just about everything thrown my way. But on the inside... I scream through the entire process. So a few weeks ago when Justin told me he wanted the t:slim, I instantly felt nauseous.

No way... the Ping has been good to us the last four years. And the remote - I love my remote.

If I'm being honest, I've spent the last few weeks trying to talk him into waiting. I've read things that made me feel this change is not a good idea. I've chatted and messaged people that have had a "less then positive" experience. But every time I tried to tell him the flaws, I could see the painful disappointment in his face and I realized that I just need to let change happen. Because Justin chooses to let it.

I have seen an immeasurable amount of growth in Justin over the last few months. Crazy growth. Growth I never thought I would be ready for since D entered our lives. He is taking control. He has done it at his own pace... In his own time. And that's okay because he's doing it and he's doing it right.

He knows how to handle his care. He knows that mistakes happen (like giving yourself insulin for the serving size(3 pks) of M&M's when your teacher only gave you one pack... oops!) and he knows how to fix it.

Even though I fear... I am so very proud of him.

The paper work has been filled out for the t:slim. The insurance has been verified, the Endo has signed off and authorization has been submitted. All we wait for now is the approval. Justin knows that he will be more responsible for bolusing since we will no longer have a remote... I explained this fact SEVERAL times. He's agreed and this change is happening. I will just need to adapt. Ultimately, this is Justin's load to bear and he should be able to manage it with whatever device he chooses. I will just be here, for back up, when he needs me.

Maybe sometimes, change es bueno.

Growing up...

My face and my voice say "GOOD JOB BUDDY!!!!", but my mind is screaming "HOLY SHIT!"

More and more Justin has been taking on his own care... the problem is there is no warning. I just get an "oh, by the way, I was 56 in 3rd period so I had some skittles and then I still felt funny on the way to 4th so I had some M&M's."

His BG was 120 at lunch, which is about 15 minutes into 4th period... soooo he rocked it. What can I say to that?

Over the past few weeks, he has self treated at midnight(we did have a chat about this). Self treated at school for lows a few times. Decided on 21 carbs for a mini cupcake(no phone call, no trip to the nurse)... he rocked those numbers too, BTW. He's even dabbled in texting me info. I'm waiting for the nurse to find out and lose it.

... the shiz has been getting deep around here.

So much for my "helicopter-mom-itis" really working hard to screw him up.

I really couldn't be more proud of him, but I am extremely scared all at the same time. All these jumbled up feelings, swarming like they are ready to sting at any given moment... it's overwhelming.

I think the self treating at midnight scared me most. He was still awake, he says, and felt it. He tested and had a juice with a side of Hershey's. He was probably just waiting for an excuse to eat the chocolate and I can't deny that he did good.I can also appreciate him not wanting to wake me up, but at the same time I had to explain to him that, though I am really proud, at night he HAS to wake me, even if its after he treats himself. See, I can compromise ;)

Now if I can only get him to remember to tell me when he opens his last vial of test strips...

OR!!! When his pump alarms with less than 20u left.

AND... if someone can tell me how to handle this...

No worries...

A day in the life of self care and party invites... please hold while I willingly jump.

When Taking Control Scares the Mama...

It was my night off. I don't get them often... Maybe once every other week or so. The reason behind that is an entire blog post in itself, so I'll save it for later. Justin tested his BG before bed and he was 189, a tad high, but he had about .40u still on board from the strawberry dessert he had at his Nonie's house; so I let him go and told the hubby to set his alarm for 1:30. By all rights, this IOB should have landed him right above 150.

In the night, sometime after 3am (it was actually 3:45am I found later) I feel the hubby jump out of bed. This can only mean he slept through his alarm. Thankfully, so we thought, Justin was sittin pretty with a BG of 145.

The next morning Justin drops the bomb...
"Before I fell asleep last night, I checked my blood and it was 49. I had some Skittles and a Hershey Nugget."

Silence(insert birds tweeting and my heart breaking into 1000 pieces)...

"Thank you for taking care of that, buddy, what time was it?"...

"I don't know", he says.

Looking back in the meter logbook it was a few minutes after midnight.

I don't think about the "what ifs" that much anymore. 5 1/2 years into this T1 journey, we just roll with whatever is thrown our way, but ever since that... I'm scared all over again.

Part of me is extremely mad that Anthony slept through that alarm. Angry that I can't even take one night off without worry. ONE! The thoughts of what if Justin didn't handle it on his own won't leave me... what if... what would he have found at 3:45?

I am so thankful Justin has started taking control and I am proud that he knows how to handle his care. But all I could do, besides praise him for a job well done (he was sitting pretty at 145 after all) and thank him for letting me know what happened, was remind him that no matter what time it is... he can come get me so that I can check him again to make sure he's safe.

I could not imagine the alternative. Praying all of out sweet children sleep safe.

Destination... Mud Run... Me!

We all know how much a diagnosis changes our lives. If you're anything like me, your whole world became about just trying to function or maybe just trying to not screw up. Since I wasn't on top of things like I always had been, something had to give... that something included me.

In a little more than a month (10/21), we will have lived with diabetes for 5 years. 5 years ago, I lost it. I lost myself and my ability to give a crap about my health. Then just when I felt like I had this... another diagnosis came along and pushed me back a bit. Then, recently, I made a plan with a group of girls at work to sign up for a 5k mud run in February. I thought... I can do this. 5k... no problem.

Only, there is now a new diagnosis hanging over our heads and its kind of kicking my butt, just a little.
On August 19th Justin went for an x-ray and on August 21st, I got a call from the Doctor... Justin has Scoliosis.

This is the first time I am sharing the news. I haven't had the heart to even tell him. How can I?  He has so much on his plate already and whats the point until we have to do something about it; which may be sooner rather than later since he is still complaining about his back hurting.

I'll be honest, my first thought was to stick my head back in the hole its spent so much time in the past 5 years, but I need to cut that out. I need to get my shit together and start taking care of myself so that I can face this new challenge... whatever that turns out to be.

SOOOO... I am going to do that mud run in February. For me. To help get my head straight and keep it out of that hole.

It just so happens that the super awesome Hallie over at The Princess and the Pump has started a new challenge, called "Destination Me". My destination may start off with a little different motivation, but on my way to "me", I'm going to rock that mud run.

Stop by Hallie's post HERE to learn a little more about what she's doing and why. THEN sign up to join her on this journey.

For the Record...

Let me share a little bit about myself...

Overall, from the outside looking in, I am a happy-go-lucky positive person. I'm goofy and I have a habit of befriending those who just happen to be sitting beside me. I speak up as the voice of reason and, even if do not agree, I always try to see all points of view and even stick up for the person(s) who are not there to do it for themselves.

I do, from time to time, love to people watch, but it is all in good fun I promise (shame on me, I know).

I enjoy volunteering and I have taught my kids the value of doing the same. I also ALWAYS do my best to offer a few kind, uplifting words to anyone who needs it. However, if I just don't have it in me that day... I am considerate enough to walk away or click the "X" in the upper right hand corner of the screen.

That is me, on the outside... in short!

From the inside I am full of worry... I haven't always been this way on the inside. At one time, my inside mimicked the outside and all of its happy-filled, smiley silliness. That side of me still breaks free from time to time, but something happened when Justin was just a baby, and then another and another. Along with that came worry as diagnosis after diagnoses was brought to our attention.

These days...

My heart breaks, just a little, every time I watch Justin have a seizure. I can relive them in my head, over and over, at anytime and without warning.

My heart breaks, just a little, every time he has a low. Knowing what diabetes has the potential of doing comes rushing to the forefront of my mind and I can't help but wonder if I could have done something, anything, to avoid it.

My heart breaks, just a little, every time he's high. Man, is he going to throw up? How can I get his belly to stop hurting? Maybe I should have changed his sight sooner.

My heart breaks, just a little, every time he looks sad. The look on his face is etched in my mind for unsolicited instant replay.

Justin won't know how I am feeling on the inside because I hide it. I lie with a straight face(or maybe a goofy one). From the outside, we fix it, forget it and move on. But on the inside, there is a mental toll that comes along with all he faces. That part is unavoidable sometimes; no matter how positive you make yourself out to be... you are also human.

Yesterday I made a comment on one of Hallie's post. I made reference to the fact that I think the stuff that our kids deal with IS a big deal to them. THEY are the ones on the sidelines testing and treating lows. I said that "Mentally. Emotionally. It is  big deal." I would Never say that to Justin, but lets face it, their friends don't exactly sit around waiting for them. Even if our kids don't expect them to, it still kind of sucks. This is MY opinion and I shared it.

The toll of being "different" has become more and more evident as Justin gets older. The challenges now are different than they were when he was 7 or 8. He sees more, he hears more and he knows more. It doesn't matter how good we are at being positive... he has his own thoughts. It doesn't matter how much we act as if "its no big deal"... this isn't easy for him. Part of his life, yes, but not exactly easy.

I suppose as each year passes we will face a new or different set of challenges, not only medically, but normal teenage/growing up challenges too. Some of which will be magnified by the medical stuff; that is just simple fact. I have no doubts that we will still have many triumphs, as we do now, but that will not change the fact that the challenges need attention too. That's just life in general, right?

Anyways,  back to the comment on Hallie's post...
There was a response to my comment... a kind of insulting one actually.  

I was judged and it kind of pissed me off. There was assumptions made about how I feel about Justin's diabetes. You shouldn't judge what you do not know. This holds true for everyone.

It was said  that "he can participate, be involved and be valued by society regardless of the condition". WTH?!?! What makes this person think that he isn't a valued part of society already? 

I can assure you he/we are already a valued part of society... we are alive aren't we? I can assure you we live in a happy house. We laugh and joke and do fun family stuff. We are silly. I torture Justin by taking him shopping and making him do chores(I know, I am a terrible mother). We are close. We are encouraging. We are supportive. We also have to face diabetes and epilepsy along with some other stuff... and that IS a big deal, no matter how hard I try to pretend its not.

 

#CWDFFL13

I am probably the last blogger in the world to write about FFL 2013 but hey... nice girls finish last, right? *Oh shut it... I AM NICE!*

To be honest, I keep writing and deleting over and over... I've been doing that for days. I guess there are really no words to adequately describe what its like.

So maybe I can tell a little about our week with the photos from my phone...
**disclaimer: not all photos posted below have been approved, sorry ladies**

So Meri posted a pic similar to this one, showing us with a perfect pose and great smiles...

Truth is...

We had to take like 20 shots because we couldn't keep it together.

A good mom would have been with Justin while he did his retina screening...

Truth is...

This girl was out in the hallway and I ditched him :/

I think he still loves me...

and I think he loves Meri too.

I wanted to be sure to get pics with all my favorite Mamas...

Truth is...

photo courtesy of Sara

I got a little distracted by the Mojitos.


DMama nicely holds light up mo-hawks for kids...

Truth is...

DMama's can not resist wearing them while posing oddly for the camera.


I thought for sure Justin would make some kind of Mindcraft reference when I spotted him writing on the Dexcom wall.

Truth is...

Other than the fact that he spells about as well as his mama, it was pretty sweet <3 p="">

I wasn't sure what to expect when we packed our bags for our first "official" FFL conference.

Truth is...

Photo courtesy of Cooperate Image Photography

We had a blast!!

Even the hubbies had fun.

****

Both family near...

and those that live far...

I wouldn't trade one second of time I spent with you.

Photo courtesy of Cooperate Image Photography

ALL of you...

Maybe next year Sara can come too :)