Thursday, June 30, 2011

There's Ups and Downs...

I have had my share of personal struggles while dealing with Justin's long history of "challenges". I just don't always write about them.

Well, let me rephrase that... sometimes I do write them, but I don't hit the publish button. I have plenty of drafts that will not see the light of the computer screen.

I often go back a while later and read those unpublished posts as a reminder that I can survive. I did survive. So I guess they do serve some purpose.

These days... things are looking up. There's a possible solution to some struggles we have been enduring as a family. I am praying that things fall into place and make that possible. Even the possibility of this solution has returned a smile to my face, even if it proves to be temporary. 

I also found a way to save money on test strips thanks to a conversation I had with Hallie the other day. Thanks Hallie!!!

And I have two great kids... but I already knew that :)

Point is... its okay to have these ups and downs. I try to remember that. It doesn't matter how long ago we were diagnosed. It doesn't matter how we look on the outside. His age doesn't matter. Diabetes can knock you on your ass quicker than Laila Ali. 

I wrote the following post on April 9th - right after we found out Justin also has a form of Epilepsy.

This day was a little dark... but I survived and I will continue to survive. We all will.


“The most important questions in life can never be answered
by anyone except oneself.” ~John Fowles

I never use to question my strength. I knew I was strong. I was not without challenges. Something came up... I handled it. No problem. I knew who I was and what I was capable of. I felt I could take on anything and survive.

These days I question...

I question how much more I can take. How much more I can handle. How much more will I be expected to handle.

I question how many more nights I can go without sleep.

I question how I find myself again.

I queston when I will stop being consumed with guilt and worry.

I question when the next thing will sneak up on me. Will I see it coming this time?

I question my mind. My abilities. Where my hope and spirit has gone.

I even question my faith.


Hugs to all my friends. May your days be full of love and strength. And may you know you have enough of both to survive.


The DL said...

I know sometimes it can seem like, "WHAT ELSE??" Hang in there, because we are only given challenges we can handle.

Denise aka Mom of Bean said...

To know that there will be those ups and downs...and to acknowledge and draw strength from ones we've already gone such an important thing.
Yeah, today might suck, but there's always tomorrow and the promise of a better day...maybe not tons better, but sometimes even a little bit better is enough!

Valerie said...

Thanks for the encouraging post! I think it's good to get your thoughts out, even if you don't share them with the world. I'm curious how you save money on test strips! Glad things are looking up :)

Unknown said...

Your struggle and your questions are beautifully shared here through your words Lora. It helps knowing others question and have dark moments and that through time and perseverence they see them to an end.

Love to you.

Amy said...

Look just how far you have come from the moment you wrote that post . . . . published and unpublished, we are all here for you, girl!

I do have to say, however, I miss your snarky and sassy humor and DEMAND you post more often!!!! :)

Meri said...

Something I needed to hear right now. Thank you for putting your raw feelings out there.

We will be ok. We CAN do this.

So glad things are looking up!!

Alexis Nicole said...

I needed this. Thank you for the raw and real that you always are!

Hope that smile stays. Love you!

Sarah said...

I love that you shared one of your "unpublished" with us, I love that you are now able to look back and see how far you've come - what an amazing positive perspective. I am glad to hear things are looking up! Enjoy the summer fun :)

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