#CWDFFL13

I am probably the last blogger in the world to write about FFL 2013 but hey... nice girls finish last, right? *Oh shut it... I AM NICE!*

To be honest, I keep writing and deleting over and over... I've been doing that for days. I guess there are really no words to adequately describe what its like.

So maybe I can tell a little about our week with the photos from my phone...
**disclaimer: not all photos posted below have been approved, sorry ladies**

So Meri posted a pic similar to this one, showing us with a perfect pose and great smiles...

Truth is...

We had to take like 20 shots because we couldn't keep it together.

A good mom would have been with Justin while he did his retina screening...

Truth is...

This girl was out in the hallway and I ditched him :/

I think he still loves me...

and I think he loves Meri too.

I wanted to be sure to get pics with all my favorite Mamas...

Truth is...

photo courtesy of Sara

I got a little distracted by the Mojitos.


DMama nicely holds light up mo-hawks for kids...

Truth is...

DMama's can not resist wearing them while posing oddly for the camera.


I thought for sure Justin would make some kind of Mindcraft reference when I spotted him writing on the Dexcom wall.

Truth is...

Other than the fact that he spells about as well as his mama, it was pretty sweet <3 p="">

I wasn't sure what to expect when we packed our bags for our first "official" FFL conference.

Truth is...

Photo courtesy of Cooperate Image Photography

We had a blast!!

Even the hubbies had fun.

****

Both family near...

and those that live far...

I wouldn't trade one second of time I spent with you.

Photo courtesy of Cooperate Image Photography

ALL of you...

Maybe next year Sara can come too :)

Dear Mr. AP...

An open letter to an Assistant Principal...

Dear Mr. AP,
I think you've lost sight of why were here. We are not here to be a winner in the game of who's right. Were not here to prove each other wrong or show each other whose boss. We are not here for a pissing match. Nor were we sent to make each others life miserable.

We are here for a child. A child that YOU should WANT to succeed.

I understand that you have been "doing this a long time", but don't dismiss me as being ignorant.
Maybe you have been doing this for a while, but so have I. The difference, however, is that I have more to loose. I fight with my heart because he, who I fight for, is my life and I can not, will not let him down. I can not fail him. I will go down swinging at every obstacle you throw at me and I will succeed in the end because it is whats right and there have been laws put into place to protect him from people just like you.

Also, I think you lack common courtesy or decency or maybe both. Maybe you just have no balls, I don't know. You have been against us all year, and today, when we learned YOU were in the wrong, you had someone else call. I think it should have been you, eating a slice of humble pie with your apology. Seems you are not the "expert" you thought you were. Also seems like you lack the ability to take responsibility for your actions and/or mistakes. You are suppose to be a roll model, Mr. AP, but I would prefer MY child to look up to a man with manners, kindness and a little empathy.

Having said all of this, I do hope, Mr. AP, that maybe, just maybe, when August rolls around... we can start the new year fresh. Positive even. With answers in place of the brick walls. With "we can" in place of "we can't". I hope that we can focus on the reason we are here. I hope we can move past wanting to be right and DO what is right for a child that needs us to work as a team.

He is counting on us, however, if you choose not to change... he will always have me and I will not let him down. You have my word on that.

Choosing...

“The problem, simply put, is that we cannot choose everything simultaneously. So we live in danger of becoming paralyzed by indecision, terrified that every choice might be the wrong choice.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert

Here I am again. It's 1:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. My head and stomach are in knots because there is a.n.o.t.h.e.r meeting.

Freaking meetings... Kill me now!

This time it is to come up with a plan for standardized testing. Last month, Justin's 504 wasn't followed during FCAT's. One day his bg wasn't tested at all and the next they allowed him to start testing with a bg of 61.

I spent four weeks asking for someone to get back with me so that we could "find a resolution".
And for four weeks those calls/emails went unanswered.

Until I emailed the county superintendent.

Unfortunately, you could tell by the tone in her voice, the AP was quite "ticked" when she called me. I pray this doesn't set the tone when we meet next week. #nothopeful

I worry that this will be a bashing session, rather than a solution meeting. Because that is exactly what the phone call was. I am not ignorant to the reality that the challenges over the past school year have damaged the lines of communication(if there really were any to begin with). Its been a rough year. Lot's of "that is not our responsibility" and you need to contact so and so... who send you to so and so #2 who then sends you to so and so #3 who ultimately send you back to the original so and so.

I have two choices here... keep him there or move him. Each option is a win/loose situation.

Keeping him there...
I honestly don't think they are ever going to work with me. I've been labeled to the point where they don't even bother to answer an email. All for advocating for my child. Justin has been labeled as well. My confidence in "the system" is gone. Justin is struggling emotionally and it's not worth all this stress on either of us. Can I even survive two more years of this?

However, his sister is there. I don't have to worry about him on the bus because I know she is watching him. I don't have to worry about transportation. He has friends there... kids that he has gone to school with since kindergarten. It's pure bullshit that he should be yanked out of his neighborhood school because they can't get their shit together. He.has.the.right.to.be.there!

If I move him...
I don't know how I am going to get him back and forth. This will be a challenge for the next two years. He will not go to high school with any of the kids at the new school so he will have to start all over socially. This is a big challenge for a shy kid with confidence/emotional struggles(and she begins to cry). I would have to choose a new school and deal with all the worries of making the right choice. Justin and I would have to live with the consequences if I choose wrong.

But, I could start fresh with a new "team" that may be more willing to help him( that is if they haven't been warned about his witch of a mother). A team that may be more compassionate. I would start a new year hopeful. Maybe I could even stop crying and get some sleep. Maybe I could even stop stress eating... MAYBE.

I just don't know what to do. You can not imagine how much this is killing me. I only want what is best for him. I only want him to succeed and be happy. But reality is I am am failing. He is struggling and he is unhappy. He needs a break. WE need a break.