The constant guilt of making the wrong decision is eating at me. I don't know what to do and I want someone to make the decision for me... just to lift SOME of the guilt. SOME of the burden.
As you know(or maybe you don't), Justin was dx'd with a form of Epilepsy back in April(<-- you can read about it there). Seven months later, we are still trying to sort out the medication(<-- you can read a little about that here).
In short...the first medication caused stomach pain and vomiting. The second one they wanted him to take I refused. Med number three was working well until we realized that Justin was still having seizures, just not as often. The increase in the meds that were, up to that point, working... proved to have negative effects when increased. Justin started complaining of abdominal pain and his mood... woah! Short tempered and cranky to put it lightly.
Last week we decreased the meds and the above mentioned improved. However, we still have that "little issue" of him still having seizures.
Anthony followed up with Justin's neurologist today and they gave him the new medication that they want Justin to start IN ADDITION TO the decreased dose of the current meds. When I got home this afternoon, I realized that it is the same medication that I refused to give him when the first meds didn't work.
This medication scares me. I don't know what to do. I don't know what is best for my son, who already said something about the 7 pills a day(5 in the morning and two at night) that he was taking when we increased the dose.
He's 10... not 80. 10 year olds should not have to take that much medication in a day and my heart broke when he cried about it.
I can honestly say that as much as I hate what diabetes puts him through... I would take Diabetes over the Epilepsy and all of its horrid medication ANYDAY.
I never thought I would be in a position where I didn't know how to care for him. Where I didn't know what was best.
I just don't know what to do and I am terrified that I will make the wrong choice. I guess because I am not the one that will suffer because of it.
Hug your little one tight. They are all stronger than they should have to be.