The "Heart"breaking truth...

We know the complications. They swirl through our minds everyday. Every time a number pops up on the meter. Every mountain like trend on the CGM. Every A1C that creeps up just a little. But seriously, I never imagined that I would be sitting through an EKG, an Echo and scheduling an exercise stress test when Justin was only 9 years old. To read how we ended up here... click HERE.

The EKG was quick... didn't even think to take a picture to be honest. But the Echo. Well, that took a while. I found myself sitting back and tearing up. I let myself go to that worry place. I had a bit to much time to sit and think in the silence of a dark room.

My thoughts...
Why does he keep going back to the same area... does he see a problem?

How did we get here again? OH! Chest pain... that's right.

Isn't this suppose to happen when he's like.... 50 or something?

I wonder how many of these he will have to take in his life.

Man... I should sneak in a nap!

I hope this is the last new doctor we have to see for a while because I am tired and broke.

SHIT!! I still need to make an appointment for the eye doctor. For BOTH of us... double shit!

I wonder why he didn't tell me about these chest pains.

If this is starting already, how will it be when he's my age? I can't even think about it.

Gosh... we've been here over 2 hours. If this doesn't end soon he's going to go low.

Hmm~ 12:10... let's move it along Mr.Echo dude.

What happens if they find a problem? Then what?

Dear Lord, when does it all end?

Please make it end!

Luckily, we are good for now. The doctor said Justin has a "good heart". Let's hope he also has a strong one. We have one more test scheduled (exercise stress test). I will keep you all posted.

Love my handsome boy!

Sigh...

I just got yelled at... well sorta. Because I chose to keep something to myself. Mostly to myself that is... I did tell my grandma. That always gets me in trouble... because she always tells someone :). It wasn't a secret or anything, I just chose to be in denial for a few days.
My denial wouldn't have lasted long... it couldn't. I just needed not to put it out there.

Soo, now that my denial bubble has been popped... here it is...
We had our well visits the other day. Justin was all excited to tell her about his new pump and his new CGM. Oddly, that makes me happy because he is usually so unsure... for some reason this pump has given him a little bit of confidence. He wants to show it off.

I had made the appointment a month or so ahead of time, but I was excited because it ended up getting me out of about 4 hours of yard work. This made me happy :)

During the appointment she asks all the standard questions... how is school, what kind of grades did you get etc... at one point or another Justin mentions that his "chest hurts sometimes" (???)

OH DEAR GOD!! (that was all that ran through my mind).

Justin is not one to mention things... he for sure never mentioned it to me. Dr. D asked him several questions... some repeating only in different words. Justin said that he has to "hold his chest like this (insert demonstration) when he runs a lot". Its been going on for "a long time" and "no, I have never told my mom".

WHY? Why has he not told me? Does he think(know) that I am on the verge of a mental breakdown?

Dr. D looks at me... she knows the look on my face. She apologized to me. She said that she tried to get him to give her the right answers, but he just didn't. Because of that, his diabetes, and the fact that I have a history of heart problems... she couldn't ignore it. So now we need to see a cardiologist. GREAT! One more doctor. One more knot in my stomach until all the testing is done... one more "crack in my vase". I just pray to God that its not going to be one more thing for him to deal with.

When does it end?