Dive In or Acclimate...

NaBloPoMo... day 11

Click HERE to learn more about NaBloPoMo


Today's prompt: Do you like to dive into things or take your time getting acclimated?


Head first baby! I dive right in. I am one of those "go for it and if I screw it up then I go back and look at the directions" kind of gals.

The hubbs says "I know just enough to be dangerous". Yep! That's me :) Grab the hammer and get to work!

Extra screws... usually!

Head scratchin and language not suitable for Sunday... always!

But we're not talking about THAT. We're talking about diving in.

When it came to fixing the kitchen faucet... my git-er-done personality didn't work out so well(except I did get a new faucet).  But when it comes to Type One... do we really have a choice?

It takes months to get "acclimated"(if there is such a thing).  Do we have months? I'm thinking no. Yet, it is probably the one area in our lives that required the most acclimation.

Justin's diagnosis was definitely one situation when my "dive right in" personality had me torn. I was forced to listen to that little voice in my head. No, not the one that makes me look nuts. I'm talking about the one that makes me think twice, second guess every choice I make and worry that I will choose wrong.

After all... Justin can't be replaced at Home Depot like the faucet.

T1D comes into our lives and changes everything. It changes the way we handle things and it doesn't give us a choice in the matter.

That's just how it rolls.

So what do you do? Dive or acclimate?

Diabetes Blog Week... Day one

Today's topic: "Admiring our Differences".
 I think the purpose of this topic was to choose someone, who is different from you, that you have learned from and/or admire. I will do that, but first I want to talk about what automatically came to mind when I read the above prompt...

There has been a lot of talk lately about supporting each others differences. You can check out some of those post from Meri and Reyna.

As parents and PWD's, we have different approaches and point of views of how we choose to deal with Diabetes.


We are not clones of each other- because Diabetes can not be cloned.  

I admit that I have read plenty of ideas that I thought were straight off the crazy truck or that I simply didn't agree with... but who am I to attack the idea. If it works... good for you.

On the other hand... I have tried things that made me grit my teeth and stay up all night, but they worked and have since become part of our D management.  

At times, whether we agree with it or not, we need a different perspective to get us going. We can tweak it to fit. We can use it to create another approach. Or we can say... there is NO WAY on earth I'm trying that.

Either way, we should always respect the person delivering it. After all... we are a family of sorts.


Okay... back to the topic. 

I haven't been "dipping" into the blogs of PWD's for very long. I admit that I lurk most of the time.

What I have found is that it helps knowing what possibilities Justin's future holds. It helps to get a perspective of how he might be feeling.

I LOVE knowing that, if he chooses, it is possible for him to find the same friendships and support with other PWD's that I have found with other parents.

I LOVE to watch the camaraderie between the PWD's on Twitter and I hope Justin chooses to find the same one day.

The friendships I have formed mean a great deal to me and I am a better D-mama for having them.

THANK YOU... to all D bloggers(Mamas, Dads, PWD's and spouses. Thank you for sharing all of your stories. From "Disco Boobs" to "The scariest night of my life"... Please know that there are people out there who are learning from your experience. 

Happy Monday!!

SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME...

I HAD AN I.E.P MEETING THIS MORNING AT THE KIDS SCHOOL SO I DECIDED JUST TO TAKE THEM WITH ME RAHTER THAN SENDING THEM ON THE BUS.

WHEN WE GET THERE... I SENT THE KIDS ON THEIR WAY TO CLASS AS USUAL AND I STOP IN THE OFFICE TO FIND OUT WHERE EVERYONE IS MEETING. NO BIGGIE!

I HAD BEEN IN THE OFFICE FOR ABOUT FIVE MINUTES BEFORE I NAILED DOWN A LOCATION.

THEY DECIDED TO MEET IN A CLASSROOM SO I SCURRIED ON MY WAY.

HOWEVER...

ON MY WAY THERE... I SPOT A CURLY HEADED BLONDE LITERALLY WALKING IN CIRCLES LIKE A ZOMBIE(WTH??).

ACTUAL PHOTO OF ACCUSED ZOMBIE

 AS I WALKED UP... I ASK "JUSTIN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

ZOMBIE LIKE CHILD PROCEEDS IN ANOTHER CIRCULAR PATTERN AS IF I HAD SAID NOTHING.

I REPEAT(NOW STANDING RIGHT BESIDE HIM AS HE CONTINUES HIS CIRCLE)... "JUSTIN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

CRICKETS... STILL A ZOMBIE... STILL WALKING IN A CIRCLE.

FINALLY, I GRAB HIS ARM AND ASK HIM AGAIN.

HE SNAPPED OUT OF IT, BUT HAD NO IDEA WHAT HE WAS DOING.

HE HAD ALREADY BEEN TO THE CLASSROOM AND WAS SUPPOSE TO BE GOING TO THE MEDIA CENTER TO HOP ON I-STATION(I FOUND THIS OUT LATER).

I DRAGGED HIM TO THE NURSE TO CHECK HIS BG AND HE WAS 145. DEXCOM SAID 262.

IS THIS NORMAL?? COULD IT HAVE BEEN A HUGE DROP THAT CAUSED THIS.

I'VE SEEN HIM "ZOMBIE OUT" BEFORE, BUT I'VE NEVER FOUND HIM... ALONE... WALKING IN CIRCLES.

BRINGS ON A WHOLE NEW MEANING TO THE NIGHTMARE I HAD A FEW WEEKS AGO.

SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!!

THANKS...

JUST WANTED TO THANK EVERYONE FOR THEIR SWEET COMMENTS ON MY LAST POST. I AM FEELING A LITTLE BETTER AND I HAVE GOTTEN A LITTLE SLEEP (I TOOK A DAYTIME NAP OVER THE WEEKEND :0).

THE PURPOSE FOR THIS POST IS IN RESPONSE TO SOME OF THE COMMENTS. I LAUGHED THROUGH SOME OF THEM, CRIED THROUGH SOME OF THEM AND THEN SOME MADE ME THINK. OF COURSE, I CAN RELATE TO THEM ALL.

ONE OF MY BIGGEST PROBLEMS IS THAT I THOUGHT I WOULD BE IN A MUCH BETTER PLACE MORE THAN TWO YEARS AFTER JUSTIN'S DIAGNOSIS. BUT FOR SOME REASON OR ANOTHER... I HAVE FALLEN BACK INTO THE HOLE I THOUGHT I WAS IN SOME WAY CLIMBING OUT OF. THIS MAKES ME FEEL SLIGHTLY WEAK AND I DO NOT LIKE TO FEEL WEAK... NEVER HAVE.

I GUESS YOU COULD CALL IT A SET BACK. MAYBE EXHAUSTION OR SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED PUSHED ME BACK DOWN A BIT AND I JUST TAKE THE WHOLE THING WITH LESS GRACE THAN I WOULD LIKE OR THAT I AM USE TO.

I WOULDN'T CONSIDER MYSELF MAD AT ALL... JUST SAD(MAYBE THAT IN ITSELF IS A PROBLEM). PART OF ME FEELS LIKE I'M MISSING OUT. I MISS VOLUNTEERING, I MISS BEING INVOLVED AT MY KIDS SCHOOL AND I KNOW IN MY HEART THEY ARE SUFFERING FOR IT. I MISS BEING HOME WHEN THEY GET THERE. I MISS THE FOCUS I HAD ON THEM AND THEIR SCHOOL WORK(THEIR GRADES ARE PROOF OF THIS).

I KNOW I'M NOT ALONE. ANY GIVEN 3AM CHECK... THAT TURNS INTO A FACEBOOK STATUS AND GETS A RESPONSE IS PROOF OF THAT. 

BUT YA KNOW... ITS NOT JUST D. IT IS THE MANY THINGS THAT GO WITH IT- THE FINANCES, THE LACK OF SLEEP, THE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL EXHAUSTION(IS THERE A STRONGER WORD FOR EXHAUSTION? THAT'S WHERE I AM), ALL THE THINGS WE HAVE HAD TO GIVE UP BECAUSE OF D, THE PART WHERE I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE... UGH!

THE PROSPECT OF THE "LIGHT" AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL NOT BEING ATTAINABLE... KINDA PISSES ME OFF TOO. I WANT THE DAMN LIGHT PEOPLE!!!! SHOW ME THE LIGHT!!!!

I KNOW... I'M BABBLING. I DO A LOT OF THAT THESE DAYS TOO. PROBABLY BECAUSE I CAN'T KEEP A STRAIGHT THOUGHT FOR MORE THAN THIRTY SECONDS(IF THAT). YEAH, BETTER MAKE THAT TEN SECONDS.

I AM ALSO FAT, FRUMPY AND TIRED. THE STRIPPER SHOES WOULD BE AWESOME IF MY POOR FEET DIDN'T HAVE TO CARRY AROUND MY FAT ASS IN THEM.

WORST OF ALL... I FEEL LIKE I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO GIVE ENOUGH OF A SHIT TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT ABOUT ANY OF IT.

I AM TRYING... I PROMISE.

I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE... RIGHT?

I LOVE YOU ALL. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR YOUR SUPPORT, YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT, YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND YOUR PRAYERS.

ITS MY ONLY WAY THROUGH THIS...

2 years in...

photography by Amanda Kern

Today is Justi's 2 year d~aversary ("Justi"... I don't think I have ever mentioned that I call him that). Last year I didn't post about this day. Many factors make up my reasoning for that choice. One being, I didn't want to remember it. Lets face it, that day sucked BIG! It changed me. It changed my family. But most of all... it changed my child in a way that he should not have been changed.

Another major issue I have with celebrating on this day is Leighanna. You see, this dire day falls just two days before her birthday. She has already sacrificed enough. I can not give any more attention to D that will possibly overshadow her special time. I just don't think it would be right and I would regret it if she began to resent him or me for all she has had to deal with. I promise that I do the best I can to give her the attention she needs, but sometimes D just takes my attention away no matter how hard I try. Heck! It took me away from myself for a long time.  

 Since I didn't celebrate, I had nothing to write. Or maybe I just didn't have it in my heart at the time. I didn't want to bring attention to that day; not only for myself, but for Justin. Don't get me wrong... I envied the trips to IHOP, the ice cream for lunch, the movies and all the other ways my fellow D Mamas celebrated. I smiled as I read each post about living. Because that is what we are doing... LIVING! With a little bit of Diabetes in the mix(okay, maybe there is a lot in the mix :).

 As I reflect on this past year I realize that... Last year, on this day, I still felt alone. I had only been blogging for about two months and was just getting to know everyone. I don't even think I had began to make connection on Facebook yet. I still had my head in the sand. I was still pretty numb. Still going through changes such as being forced to go back to work. It was this time last year that I started subbing to help pay for this mess. 

But as this year has passed me by faster than the year before... I have made those connections. I now have people in my life that mean more to me than some people I see on a weekly basis. People I consider friends. People who have given me so much more than most have in a lifetime. I have been reminded of their true value several times over the past week or so. I could not imagine my journey without them. 

We have come a long way in this past year and I look forward to where we will be one year from now. So before I go... I want to share a little of Justin's story. To remind myself that each year is a journey that can only make me a stronger person. 

Flashback... October 21st, 2008  click here to read Justin's full story.

I didn't know the signs. I didn't see it coming. I only knew something was terribly wrong. I couldn't understand why Justin was getting into so much trouble. He had always required a little more patience than Leighanna, but this was extremely different. This was not my loving child. This was someone else and it was eating me up inside. On Tuesday, October 21, 2008; I made a last minute appointment at the doctors office. I had had enough. Enough of the bed wetting. Enough of the reports from school and CCD. Enough of the malignant spirit that had taken over my son. 

 The news of this diagnosis shattered every ounce of my being. Feeling as if I was the only person in the world; I sunk into the deep hole that became my reality for a very long time. Little did I know that in another town... another city... another state... another "Justi's" life was changing too... Click here to read on

TAGS, TAGS & MORE TAGS... I'm it!

I am going to steal... uh... borrow Jen's opening paragraph for this post and just add a little "Lora" to it here and there. I hope that is okay with Mama Pancreas.

This tag goes back a little ways. It was started by Kerri over at the fantastic Six Until Me. She describes it at as a blog meme just for those with wonky pancreases (and for the people who love us).

While Jen may still be split between centuries... I am all up in the 21st centuries "bizness"(said like Angie from Baby Mama). YES, I do remember records(and 8 tracks for that matter), but that's another post that I will most likely not publish any time soon :).

Anyway, so after Kerry started it; Penny over at A Sweet Grace tagged the lovely Reyna over at Beta Buddies (who is funny as shit by the way). Reyna then proceeded to tag Jen who tagged MEEE. PHEW! Did I get everyone??? I know it's getting hard to keep up, but if you keep reading to the end..you may find out YOU have been tagged too. So, without further ado.. as Jen would say...

What type of diabetes do you have: Justin has Type 1 / Juvenile / Insulin Dependant Diabetes. You know, "the bad kind". I had to throw that one in there since it has been called that before.



When were you diagnosed: Justin was diagnosed on October 21st, 2008. He was 7 years old. Next month will be our 2 year "d-aversary".



What's your current blood sugar: Embarrassment sets in and my head hangs in shame... 275. Good thing Jen made me check. In my defense, today IS site change day and this does happen too often on site day 3. It is on my list of things to talk to the Endo about when we go next month.

What kind of meter do you use: I am going to steel(stop that Lora!)... borrow some of Jen's answer here too. We also use 2. The One Touch Ping and the One Touch Mini. I do not trust my sweet little Justin to tote his remote back and fourth, so I have a Mini at school and I keep my beloved remote ALL.TO.MYSELF!

Now, I do have to admit... Jen is right about the One Touch strips being suckity in the "sucking up blood" department. We get A LOT of error 5's also.

ARE YOU LISTENING ONE TOUCH????

FIX THIS PLZ!!!!

How many times a day do you test your blood sugar: 8 - 12 times a day. 8 is a dream day. 12(more on occasion) is more like it. If you add in those "error 5's" we use a whole lot of strips. One touch should do one of those buys like they do with socks and cereal; where you get 20% more free as a bonus. HINT.HINT!

What's a "high" number for you: Over 150, but I don't stress until 250 :)

What's do you consider "low": During the day... less than 70. At night... we like to keep it over 100.

What's your favorite low blood sugar reaction treater: At school we use Reli On glucose tabs unless he is under 40 or just plain out of it... then we will use Juice first. At night I use juice because its easier to get it in him. I carry glucose tabs and random candy(Star Burst, Laffy Taffy etc...) in my purse. Most of the time I eat the candy and he eats the glucose tabs   .

Describe your dream endo: Our Endo is good. A little stand offish, but ALWAYS spends ample time with us. I have never been rushed out of there and that is a huge plus for me. I do not have a whole lot to compare him to, so I am not sure what else I need in an endo.

Who's on your support team: My husband Anthony of course, but I feel so "at home" here in blogland with all my friends. I feel like I have many sisters. I love you all and consider you FAMILY.

Do you think there will be a cure in your lifetime: Is it bad for me to admit that my heart tells me no?

Does that make me a bad D Mama? I TRULY HOPE that there is and will keep doing what I can to support the possibility. I just don't know.

What is a "cure" to you: RELIEF! A deep breath and a sigh of relief. Let's face it, we don't know what will happen tomorrow, but with a cure I would have one less fear in my life. THEN... I would sleep!

The most annoying thing people say to you about your diabetes is: "OH! My dog has Diabetes". I have had four people(one was a doctor) say this to me. Yeah! A little different than your dog!


What is the most common misconception about Type 1 diabetes: That WE caused it. WE ate too much
junk and drank too much soda. Some people are baffled by the fact that Justin is so skinny.


If you could say one thing to your pancreas, what would it be: DAMN YOU!!!! Damn you for being a quitter when Justin needs you.


Are you tired of listening to me yet??? Well lucky for you, I am done! I need to go get on that site change so we can kick some D ass. (I corrected by the way... I didn't just leave him like that~ sheesh!)

But before I head out... a tag....   , lets see!!!?!!!

  

thinking!

  

sitting and thinking!!!

 

AH HA!

LAURA

She spells HER name ALL WRONG, but I love her anyways :) GIT "ER" DONE GIRL!

Dear Juicy Juice...

I turn to look at the clock as I stand over my half asleep 9 year old coaxing him to finish all of his Juice. It is 1:15 a.m. You see Juicy(can I call you Juicy?), Justin has Juvenile Diabetes and his blood glucose rate was a scary low of  55. May I remind you that it was 1:15 in the morning.

Then it occurred to me... I wonder if you know how many times we use you to raise the levels of our sweet angels. As D Mom's(and dads) we are told to use the "small Juicy Juice" because it had exactly 15 carbohydrates.

Did you know that we keep you; our 15 carb life saver...
In our purses?
In book bags?
In our cars?
In our swim bags?
Diaper bags?
In our diabetes kits?

 Did you know our refrigerators are stocked FULL of your 8 packs?
We also have packs in the nurses office at school, in each classroom our children learn in. Some of us even keep them in the hallway closet next to our kids room for easy access.

Basically, we keep you E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E!!!!

Then I was wondering... do YOU support us? I mean support us financially??? Okay okay... not us personally, but support research, JDRF etc...  Think about it! 40 children are diagnosed with Juvenile diabetes EVERY DAY! Those 40 moms and dads are told all about you Juicy. In ONE YEAR FOURTEEN THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED new families are told to take you home and use you to make them feel better.

We do this in BULK!

Consider this, I have 4 packs of you chillin in the fridge, 1 pack in the nurses office at school, 1 pack in the classroom and 2 packs spread between random classrooms, my car, purse, emergency kit, swim bag and
his book bag.
That's 8 packs! Just at my house!

Lets say that we buy 3 packs per month on average... (for my house that about right).
At $2.50 each that equals $7.50
In one year... $90 for ONE family
In one year... $109,500 for the 14,600 families diagnosed every year.

Can you give some of that back to us with your support? DO YOU THINK WE NEED A CURE?

I promise to still keep  you around the house... I would never forget about you. I just might not visit at 1:15 in the morning as often (or 12,2,3,4 or 5 either).  But in the daylight... oh Juicy it.is.on!

But hey, don't mind me, I am just some crazy D Mom who should be sleeping at 1:15 3:00 in the morning. Instead... I am writing you a letter.