Thursday, October 21, 2010

2 years in...

photography by Amanda Kern
Today is Justi's 2 year d~aversary ("Justi"... I don't think I have ever mentioned that I call him that). Last year I didn't post about this day. Many factors make up my reasoning for that choice. One being, I didn't want to remember it. Lets face it, that day sucked BIG! It changed me. It changed my family. But most of all... it changed my child in a way that he should not have been changed.

Another major issue I have with celebrating on this day is Leighanna. You see, this dire day falls just two days before her birthday. She has already sacrificed enough. I can not give any more attention to D that will possibly overshadow her special time. I just don't think it would be right and I would regret it if she began to resent him or me for all she has had to deal with. I promise that I do the best I can to give her the attention she needs, but sometimes D just takes my attention away no matter how hard I try. Heck! It took me away from myself for a long time.  

 Since I didn't celebrate, I had nothing to write. Or maybe I just didn't have it in my heart at the time. I didn't want to bring attention to that day; not only for myself, but for Justin. Don't get me wrong... I envied the trips to IHOP, the ice cream for lunch, the movies and all the other ways my fellow D Mamas celebrated. I smiled as I read each post about living. Because that is what we are doing... LIVING! With a little bit of Diabetes in the mix(okay, maybe there is a lot in the mix :).

 As I reflect on this past year I realize that... Last year, on this day, I still felt alone. I had only been blogging for about two months and was just getting to know everyone. I don't even think I had began to make connection on Facebook yet. I still had my head in the sand. I was still pretty numb. Still going through changes such as being forced to go back to work. It was this time last year that I started subbing to help pay for this mess. 

But as this year has passed me by faster than the year before... I have made those connections. I now have people in my life that mean more to me than some people I see on a weekly basis. People I consider friends. People who have given me so much more than most have in a lifetime. I have been reminded of their true value several times over the past week or so. I could not imagine my journey without them. 

We have come a long way in this past year and I look forward to where we will be one year from now. So before I go... I want to share a little of Justin's story. To remind myself that each year is a journey that can only make me a stronger person. 

Flashback... October 21st, 2008  click here to read Justin's full story.

I didn't know the signs. I didn't see it coming. I only knew something was terribly wrong. I couldn't understand why Justin was getting into so much trouble. He had always required a little more patience than Leighanna, but this was extremely different. This was not my loving child. This was someone else and it was eating me up inside. On Tuesday, October 21, 2008; I made a last minute appointment at the doctors office. I had had enough. Enough of the bed wetting. Enough of the reports from school and CCD. Enough of the malignant spirit that had taken over my son. 

 The news of this diagnosis shattered every ounce of my being. Feeling as if I was the only person in the world; I sunk into the deep hole that became my reality for a very long time. Little did I know that in another town... another city... another state... another "Justi's" life was changing too... Click here to read on

10 comments:

Alexis of Justices Misbehaving Pancreas said...

First I am so happy we did this together. I swear as I edited I felt like you were right beside me writing yours as well. Thank for sharing your heart today and every other day. Thank you for being supporting me and my Justi and know we are here for you both always. Love you D twin....Im not sure if happy diaversary is appropriate but.......also when J gets outta school maybe we can call you guys. I know hed love it as much as me.....awesome post girl as always! Xoxo

Reyna said...

I hope you guys have a wonderful day Lora. I totally get why you try to keep Leighanna's B-day special and not letting "d" overshadow it. It is such a balancing act in so many ways. It, "d", truly impacts everything.

Love and a (((HUG))) please to Justin.

htimm=) said...

Great post! I hope you have a great day. All of you who have been on this journey longer than I are an inspiration to me! Thanks for being so supportive along my journey. ((hugs))

Hallie said...

Love to you on this day! You are stronger than you know! Congrats for living this life and loving you family and not letting D hold you back. I hope this day is great- no Matter how you celebrate it! Love to you, to Darling Justin, and to super sweet Leighanna - and the hubbs, too!

Laura said...

I love you Lora and family -
My life is so much better for knowing you.
I am blessed today and everyday to have you in my life. D sucks but your friendship is awesome!!

Misty said...

Much LOVE to your Sweet Justin on this day...and to you! I completely get not feeling like celebrating...I don't think I even mentioned it around here on our 1st. I have changed since then, and who knows what will happen on Ally's 2nd...yet to be seen. What I do know is that I am SO grateful for the people that I have met on this same journey..you are all like family and for that I WILL CELEBRATE!

Wendy said...

I LOVE YOU, WOMAN!!!!!!!

I feel like I've witnessed the metamorphosis as you've put one foot in front of the other to who you are today....it's a complete joy to share this journey with such an amazing mother like you.

Chance made our paths cross.

Love keeps them aligned.

Here's to many, many, many more happy, healthy October 21sts!

Nicole said...

What a wonderful post and a wonderful idea!!

And happy 2 years with D.

You and your family rock and I'm so happy that I have you to share this journey with!!

Love ya :)

Meri said...

I remember when you were a newbie. :) Now you are an old...well...YOUNG friend. I'm so glad to have you as company on this journey.

Congrats on all your accomplishments and all your D ass kicking! Love ya!

Happy 2 years of awesomeness Justin!

Heather said...

Awesome post! I'm so glad to be able to go on this journey with you. :)

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