|photography by Amanda Kern|
Another major issue I have with celebrating on this day is Leighanna. You see, this dire day falls just two days before her birthday. She has already sacrificed enough. I can not give any more attention to D that will possibly overshadow her special time. I just don't think it would be right and I would regret it if she began to resent him or me for all she has had to deal with. I promise that I do the best I can to give her the attention she needs, but sometimes D just takes my attention away no matter how hard I try. Heck! It took me away from myself for a long time.
Since I didn't celebrate, I had nothing to write. Or maybe I just didn't have it in my heart at the time. I didn't want to bring attention to that day; not only for myself, but for Justin. Don't get me wrong... I envied the trips to IHOP, the ice cream for lunch, the movies and all the other ways my fellow D Mamas celebrated. I smiled as I read each post about living. Because that is what we are doing... LIVING! With a little bit of Diabetes in the mix(okay, maybe there is a lot in the mix :).
As I reflect on this past year I realize that... Last year, on this day, I still felt alone. I had only been blogging for about two months and was just getting to know everyone. I don't even think I had began to make connection on Facebook yet. I still had my head in the sand. I was still pretty numb. Still going through changes such as being forced to go back to work. It was this time last year that I started subbing to help pay for this mess.
But as this year has passed me by faster than the year before... I have made those connections. I now have people in my life that mean more to me than some people I see on a weekly basis. People I consider friends. People who have given me so much more than most have in a lifetime. I have been reminded of their true value several times over the past week or so. I could not imagine my journey without them.
We have come a long way in this past year and I look forward to where we will be one year from now. So before I go... I want to share a little of Justin's story. To remind myself that each year is a journey that can only make me a stronger person.
Flashback... October 21st, 2008 click here to read Justin's full story.
I didn't know the signs. I didn't see it coming. I only knew something was terribly wrong. I couldn't understand why Justin was getting into so much trouble. He had always required a little more patience than Leighanna, but this was extremely different. This was not my loving child. This was someone else and it was eating me up inside. On Tuesday, October 21, 2008; I made a last minute appointment at the doctors office. I had had enough. Enough of the bed wetting. Enough of the reports from school and CCD. Enough of the malignant spirit that had taken over my son.
The news of this diagnosis shattered every ounce of my being. Feeling as if I was the only person in the world; I sunk into the deep hole that became my reality for a very long time. Little did I know that in another town... another city... another state... another "Justi's" life was changing too... Click here to read on