Saturday, October 9, 2010

MOM YOU SUCK... 2010

Yep, that's right... I said I suck. I can feel a little "suckity" right now. This is worse than last year when I lost my "Mom of the year award".

Wanna know why??? 

If  not, click out now... cuz its my blog and I'm tellin!

If so, grab a beverage, sit back and I will tell you all about it.

It started out at 2am when I didn't hear the alarm to check Justin. You can imagine my panic when I heard the words "what time do you need to get up" from Anthony. He asks this every morning because some days I can sneak in an extra 15. PANIC is not my idea of a pleasant way to wake up. I scurried off to Justin's room who JUST.SO.HAPPENED to have good numbers over night for the first time in weeks.

After a sigh of relief, I carried on with the morning in the usual way. Justin is in his typical dawdling mood where any form of direction has to be repeated ten times before he even acknowledges that there are actual words spilling from my mouth.

Because of the already frantic way in which I awoke... I was particularly on edge and growing substantially more agitated with every repeat command that certain parties remained oblivious to. I wont name names (starts with a "J" and ends with "ustin") because that would not be polite.

So as I go through the motions...
"get up! get up! get up!"
"check ur blood! check ur blood! check ur blood!"
"choose ur breakfast! choose ur breakfast! check ur blood! choose ur breakfast!"
 "STOP chasing the dog... CHOOSE your breakfast... CHECK your blood!" ahhhhh! This goes on, but you get the point.

As usual we are behind. We need to leave the house by 7:15am to catch the bus. I have to work so Justin not "feelin the flo" is only setting me up to look like the crazy lady in the office with my mis-matched closes and improperly paired shoes because I will be lucky to get a good teeth brushin in this morning (hey! Just because my hair isnt brushed and my clothes are a mess doesn't mean I have to have stank breath).

So after my second verse of "get dressed, wheres your shoes, get your socks, brush your hair, brush your teeth... solo. (side note... at 7:14 the nameless offspring still did not have his socks and shoes on OR his mop brushed).  Things in mama-ville start getting all tornado tyrant. Arms flailing, exorcist voice streaming the "word of Lora" through the halls of me casa. Was not pretty! I decided at that moment (as I have in past tangents) that THIS.WAS.IT!! NO.MORE!! YOU WILL DO THIS AND YOU WILL DO THAT!!! OR ELSE!!! The look on Justin's face let me know that he would take my words seriously for the next five minutes, but to be prepared because tomorrow is a new day.

Now, we are dressed... ready to go... until I realize that I have no bra(white t-shirt) and no shoes laying in there usual spot because we have to keep them from the puppy. (shish-kabob!!... yeah, I didn't think you'd believed that's what I actually said) I scramble around with more flailing fashion... find shoes (no need to be crazy AND barefoot)... grab the dog to carry across my slingshot-less chest and we sprint out the door.   

As we round the street corner, the bus pulls up. Were moving along as I apologize to Justin for my tantrum(not those words) and let him know that he need to start getting up and get motivated in the mornings. You know the speech... your getting older bla bla bla.

We are half way to destination big yellow bus when Justin pulls D'Com(CGM) out of his pocket and says "I'm low with an arrow down".

WHAT!!!!! You've gotta be F*ing kidding me.

This is where my suckity motherly thinking skills come into question... Rather than being calm and logical and taking him home when I read 47 on his CGM; I opted to go into "fix it and shove him on the bus mode". That's right... here is how it went.

You remember... "I'm low with an arrow down", right? Well, we will start from there. Picture this... crazy mom with white T, no bra, puppy draped across chest, now literally running in a circular motion (kind of like that game where you stuck your forehead on the bat and run in circles until your dizzy) in search of the one back pack pocket(out of 20... stupid pockets) that has the glucose tabs. Bus is waiting, 7 other moms, a dad and a German Shepard all staring as I frantically unzip and re zip above mention possible hiders of the tabs. One nice mom runs up and offers some help... I toss her poor scared puppy thus exposing my not so perky anymore cuz I'm getting older girls and continue to search.

FINALLY, I find tabs and start walking at  a fast and frantic pace towards the bus (as if this was a good plan) while handing Justin 3 tabs saying "eat, eat em, eat them now" and sticking the tube back into what I hope was the right pocket(not that that matters). I look at the bus driver who's mouth has now hit the floor and say" he's running a little low, please keep an eye on him and I will call the nurse".

That's right... I put my child, who was low, on the bus.
After it was over... it hit me. What did I just do? I should have brought him home. Why didn't I just bring him home?

Of course I called the nurse. I was pretty embarrassed to admit how much I suck, but I had to let her know.

30 minutes later I received a phone call. "Just wanted to let you know that Leighanna(love that girl) walked Justin straight here. He did not go to the classroom. His BG is now 119 per meter and the CGM has one arrow up slow.

Phew, it was okay this time... I can breath and Justin survives my excellent parenting skills one more time.

This all happened at the beginning of the week... I started this post and didn't get to finish. There are now more stories about this week. It has been a strange one! More to follow the above mentioned fiasco... I will share more later in PART 2.



Unknown said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! I'm so freaking sorry to be laughing, but.....HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

I wouldn't be laughing, of course, if things hadn't turned out as well....OMGsh...wiping tears.....this was awesome :)

Meri said...

You mean I'm not the only physco bitch mom in the universe?!!! I'm not alone!!! My once in awhile freak-outs do not make me...a freak?

I'm not alone?

I just can't get over it!


That means...your not alone!

Been there...not with no bra though...this DD would have made the bus driver pass out from shock...or I would have tripped over them when I was running the glucose tabs over...

Waiting anxiously for part two!

Meri said...

Wait, I think that is supposed to be

"you're not alone."

Yeah...If I could download spell check into my brain, I would...

Joanne said...

Oh my... thank you for the laugh. I mean, I am so sorry for your crazy morning! But seriously, thanks for the chuckles.

Penny said...

Oh that made me laugh. I am so sorry. And can I tell that you that I understand?

Heidi / D-Tales said...

My kids are oblivious to me. More days than not, I feel as though I talk to the walls. I have to nudge the kids all morning until they're entirely ready for school. Drives me CRAZY!!!

So I totally understand the exasperation you must've felt at the moment you discovered he was low and the impetus behind putting him on the bus.

But I'm with Meri - there's no freakin' way I'd exit the house w/o a bra! If I did, I think my son would go low from the shock of seeing the "girls" on the loose!

All's well that ends well!

Unknown said...

OK...well, I am laughing at you...and sad for me, no one would notice that I was bra-less b/c mine are like A's...yes, somehow those fuckers shrunk after kids. LOL.

Oh Lora. I heart you. I truly and really do. I would have shoved Joe onto the damn bus too after performing the acts of a life-sized pez dispenser for sure. (((HUGS))) and you ROCK.

Alexis Nicole said...

first let me say i was sooo upset about my new shitty phone until i saw it loads YOUR BLOG!!!! FU BlACKBERRY HAHA ok anyhoo love how your write. totally picturedd tabs, dex, and flyig tatas. im glad all ended well. and no u dont suck quite the opposite my twin. love ya!

Nicole said...

wonderful story telling and I'm so happy to hear that I'm not the only one shoving children on to buses after yelling all poor moms :) can wait to read part 2!

alix said...

OK Lora, I am cracking up right now. I needed such a laugh.. actually I am still chuckling and will think of this post at our 2 am check, that is if the alarm goes off!!!
I am sorry you had such a day, but we all do!

Anonymous said...

Totally have a picture in my head of that scene! It's the whole, shake your head look in the mirror saying out loud to yourself..."WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? REALLY? IS IT REALLY THIS WAY?". I totally had a mental break down Friday morning with a momma sorta sucks moment too. Think I'll share on my blog this week! Wouldn't want to leave you out there as the only one questioning your sanity this week!!! ((HUG))

LaLa said...

I can't stop thinking about your boobs!! :)

Shannon@ The New Normal Life said...

this was so funny!! I thought I was the only mom who looked like I was spinning on a bat half the time!

Amanda said...

I just shoved my son into time out and then went back and spanked his rear end when he kept opening the you feel like a better parent now? =)
You are a good writer Lora. I totally got the whole image in my mind while I read!
Sorry your week has been crazy!

Kris said...

Goodness that made me TIRED! I can't even imagine how tired you were after a morning like that!

I hate school mornings. Especially crazy ones like that. Glad it all turned out ok, though!

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