“Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are". ~Bernice Johnson Reagon
The loaded questions... You know... "How are you doing?" "How is Justin doing?". Those questions.
For the most part, I answer those questions with the automatic, "fine, thank you for asking", generic kind of response. Only certain people really know that it is quite the undertaking to keep it together sometimes.
This past week has kicked my a double s...
The seizures. The seizure medication and its side effects. The wondering how I missed another major medical issue. The highest A1C Justin's had since dx. All of it. Piling up.
At work today I was asked... "How are you? How is Justin".
Maybe I am tired of my generic answer. Maybe I just needed to vent. Maybe I had the urge to test the sincerity of the question. Maybe a higher power knew I needed to hear the heartfelt response that I received. I don't know... maybe it was all of the above.
So, in response to the question, I answered something like this...
"He's okay I guess... I think this medication has been hard on him. There have been some noticeable changes in his mood and he has not been sleeping well. Both are possible side effects of the seizure medication. I am supposed to wait 10 days before I get his blood drawn so that they can check his "chemical balance". It's a hard call.
How are you doing? Did you get your water heater fixed?"
I have to admit that I expected the usual "I am so sorry to hear that". Instead, I got this... (I removed the details about the water heater... she got a new one in case your wondering :)
"Justin- hate to hear!!! I know it's all hard on him and you. Medicine really is trial and error and until they have it all adjusted correctly I know it can be physically and emotionally draining.
I pray it all comes together quickly. When the circumstances try to over take you stop take a deep breath and reassure your self there is a light. When the pressure and uncertainty seems more than you can bear within your heart cast it on a loving God. I know that may seem trivial and twilight zone-ish do do do do...but there is a God whose ways are greater than ours. He works out every detail of our life according to his plan though through it all we don't always understand and it doesn't come as quickly as we would like at times but he still knows, he still cares, and he still has it under his control if we give it to him. Better to know than not to know. Better to be working on resolve then not.
I know you are troubled as a mother...I can't imagine! But his word says he gives peace that passes all understanding in spite of our circumstances. He is able to put a settling in our heart and a reassurance of him beyond what we can understand in logic. We all have moments of despair but when we recognize we are there he just asks us to cast it on him.
Any thing I can do...let me know!! Just need to vent...call me. May not have an answer but i can be a download for you:)"
Of course I cried. I can hold it together much better if I don't think about it - AT ALL!!
Life's challenges sure have a way of knocking you on your ass, that's for sure.
One day at a time ~ right?
Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. Your words lifted my spirits more than you can imagine.