Wednesday, April 13, 2011


“Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are". ~Bernice Johnson Reagon

The loaded questions... You know... "How are you doing?" "How is Justin doing?". Those questions.

For the most part, I answer those questions with the automatic, "fine, thank you for asking", generic kind of response. Only certain people really know that it is quite the undertaking to keep it together sometimes.

This past week has kicked my a double s...

The seizures. The seizure medication and its side effects. The wondering how I missed another major medical issue. The highest A1C Justin's had since dx. All of it. Piling up.


At work today I was asked... "How are you? How is Justin".

Maybe I am tired of my generic answer. Maybe I just needed to vent. Maybe I had the urge to test the sincerity of the question. Maybe a higher power knew I needed to hear the heartfelt response that I received. I don't know... maybe it was all of the above.

So, in response to the question, I answered something like this...

"He's okay I guess... I think this medication has been hard on him. There have been some noticeable changes in his mood and he has not been sleeping well. Both are possible side effects of the seizure medication. I am supposed to wait 10 days before I get his blood drawn so that they can check his "chemical balance". It's a hard call.

How are you doing? Did you get your water heater fixed?"

I have to admit that I expected the usual "I am so sorry to hear that". Instead, I got this... (I removed the details about the water heater... she got a new one in case your wondering :)

"Justin- hate to hear!!! I know it's all hard on him and you. Medicine really is trial and error and until they have it all adjusted correctly I know it can be physically and emotionally draining.
 Look up!!

I pray it all comes together quickly. When the circumstances try to over take you stop take a deep breath and reassure your self there is a light. When the pressure and uncertainty seems more than you can bear within your heart cast it on a loving God. I know that may seem trivial and twilight zone-ish do do do do...but there is a God whose ways are greater than ours. He works out every detail of our life according to his plan though through it all we don't always understand and it doesn't come as quickly as we would like at times but he still knows, he still cares, and he still has it under his control if we give it to him. Better to know than not to know. Better to be working on resolve then not.

I know you are troubled as a mother...I can't imagine! But his word says he gives peace that passes all understanding in spite of our circumstances. He is able to put a settling in our heart and a reassurance of him beyond what we can understand in logic. We all have moments of despair but when we recognize we are there he just asks us to cast it on him.

Any thing I can do...let me know!! Just need to me. May not have an answer but i can be a download for you:)"

Of course I cried. I can hold it together much better if I don't think about it - AT ALL!!

Life's challenges sure have a way of knocking you on your ass, that's for sure.

One day at a time ~ right?

Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. Your words lifted my spirits more than you can imagine.


Amy said...

I really wish the 'question' factor of a conversation could be removed. It's like a Pavlonian response when we get face to face with someone . . . like our brain on automatic pilot.

I think in order to deal with the obvious, one must rethink and skip the question part and instead, realize the person who asked is really just trying to make a connection. One that doesn't feel quite right. Afraid to say the wrong thing, and so defaults to a generic question. I have hope in people, that their hearts are in the right place but their mouths just doesn't quite connect.

Just as I am certain of your awesomeness, I am also certain those around you are pretty cool too, and just want to try and relate and express their concerns. Except they can't. What you, your family and Justin are going through is not something most people can relate too . . .or even make a point of reference at.

Chronic illnesses that only offer treatment of symptoms are an 'acceptance' of an entirely different beast. As a parent, you go from wanting to sprint and run the race as fast as you can to get it over with and have it behind you. With T1D and seizures, it is a slow long burn that doesn't give time for recovery. Not many people can fathom the mental, spiritual and physical endurance it requires for you to be that steady constant state for Justin.

Even as a T1D parent myself, I cannot even begin to imagine the pressure and weight you are carrying on your shoulders.

I can, however, pray that our loving God will release some of that weight by allowing you to feel comfort in Him. I can also pray that your husband and close family members will step up and in to share the burden (I am not assuming they do not already, just that it continues). I can pray for you to see the small point of joy in a day and have it fill the empty space inside left by fear and anxiety.

I can, and I will pray for you, Lora. You will not be abandoned because we might fear or not understand your situation. Nope. If anything, T1D has taught us to stand up a little straighter and offer MORE in times like this.

You ask, and we will deliver. Even just to know we 'get it' and cry with you when you need to cry . . . rejoice when Justin has a success moment . . . cuss and scream with you when you need to vent . . we are here for you.

((hugs)) my dear, amy

Alexis Nicole said...

I dont have anything cliche to say. I will say I will see you in 2 weeks, I will give you the BIGGEST FUCKING HUG, and if you need to vent, Im here to listen, and I will definitely ask Granny to allow us to have wine ;) I LOVE U.

Unknown said...

I love friends like this...the one's that you feel comfortable enough to really let them know "HOW" you are doing.

It is like having a D Mama in the house. I have been thinking of you...and Justin. I hope things chill out with the meds a bit. It sounds like the nights are a bit rough. And that his personality is a bit different with the meds. That has to be unsettling.

You and Justin and your family are in my heart.

Denise aka Mom of Bean said...

Good for you for putting it out there and what a blessing you received! It's hard to not give that 'we're doing fine' answer but sometimes you just have to spill it and hope there's help to clean it up!! We all need to be reminded that there's help to carry the load if we ask...whether the helping hands are visible or not. It is my hope and prayer that your help comes in bucket-fulls!

Kris said...

It's nice that she asked, and you answered honestly, and she sincerely cared. How nice to have someone listen and let you know they will be there for you if you need them.

You know we are all here for you too. I have been keeping you and Justin in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to do so. Lots of love to you both.

Heidi / D-Tales said...

How great that you have a coworker like that! I am always touched by responses like that. I admire responses like that. I don't seem to have those words in me. I have the emotions, but not always the words. I mean well. I care. But the meaningful words don't come that swiftly. However, know that I'm here for you!!!! xoxo

Misty said...

The comments by the others have been so great here! Amy really is on to something. I think most people mean well, and all they know how to do is question. The difficulty comes when you actually answer them truthfully...and they are not ready to listen. I am so happy that you have encountered such a special person that was able to not only listen, but lift you up a little with her genuine response.

I'm like Heidi, I ALWAYS have the emotions, but most of the time I can't find the right words. Please know that if I "question" is because I LOVE YOU! Praying every day for you and Justin (and the rest of your fam too) that things will smooth out soon. HUGS my friend!!

LaLa said...

Wow - what a great response. Thank you for sharing it - it was good for me to read it and take it in.

Through all of the craziness --- girl we are in this together! Love you! DNQ!

Penny said...

Ugh. Such conversations we never thought we would EVER have in this lifetime. It takes a toll on all of us. I am thinking of you and Justin and sending hugs and love your way. You are a strong, strong woman Lora.

Hallie Addington said...

Wow! That was one H of a response! What a blessing this person is!! It IS hard to express and answer that question. I'm glad you got such a lving answer!!

Unknown said...


(((love you)))

I'm seriously so blessed to have your friendship on this journey. Thank you for that...and thank you for sharing these deep places of your heart.

Holly said...

What a blessing your friend is! So thankful for her, and she has wonderful advice-turn it over to God.
And really, aren't we all one minute from breaking down? Really.
You have a lot on your shoulders, and you can do it. His a1c's look amazing from his not stress about one number, he's alive and healthy! : )

Tracy1918 said...

Thank you so much for your encouraging comment. You have no idea how much I needed it. : )

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