Saturday, November 20, 2010

Confessions of a D-Mama...

As moms we all have things that we are thankful for and things that scare the shiz-nit out of us. As D-Mamas... we have extra things. Things that the typical mama does not have to deal with. Such as stereotypes, advocating, educating, lack of sleep etc...

Here are some of my quiet fears and also some stuff I am secretly thankful for...

- Justin has always been "well built". I'm talking rock hard stomach surfer body type of built. Deep down I am thankful for this. I know that sounds kind of bad, but I honestly find it a bit easier to explain type one not being a metabolism problem.


- I am thankful that Justin only eats a handful of things. It makes it easier to bolus him when we are out. I can "swag" a cheeseburger and fries like nobodies business.


- I don't always educate when I have the opportunity. I admit it... sometimes I just don't have the darn energy. Then sometimes the comment made is so stupid... I am more in rage mode and one more stupid comment would case me to go all Bruce Lee on someone. Better to clinch teeth and avoid further contact at that point ;)


-  I want help. I want my husband to learn how to help more, but I find it easier to just do it than to try and explain or teach. I am all about what is easier these days... even if the easier is just for the moment.


- It kills me to just let him sleep in. I check on him constant even though I know he is just getting caught up on some much needed rest.


- I hate telling new D Mamas that it will get better in time. I know it WILL get better for them, but I also remember thinking "WHEN will it get better" every time I was told to give it time. I do still try to share the wise words... just cringe doing so :)


- I am not sure how I am going to get Justin to do site changes without the Emla. Our script is almost out and I am worried that the Endo will not be willing to give me another one. I had to ague for that one! At what age should I make him suck it up when I KNOW that junk hurts?


- I am scared of the change in the air. Carbs have started to have a greater effect on him recently. I could give him two cookies to "bump him up" enough to go out and play. Now, tow cookies throws him into the 300's. That's just an example... I have a lot of changes to wrap my bulging brain around.


- I am scared there will be a day that I can't afford his prescriptions. I don't talk much about the financial strain D has caused us personally, but it has in a big way. I am thankful for my insurance and I trust that we will be okay. I just worry that there will be that day when all this will finish us off. If that makes sense.


I could keep going, but I have to get ready for dinner. What are your fears? What are you thankful for? I need to know. Today is just one of those days.

8 comments:

Alexis of Justices Misbehaving Pancreas said...

Just as I log on you post.

Ok. First I want to hug you right now! Youre such a kick ass mom and pancreas and I am honored to call you my D twin.

Insurance? Yea its fuckin scary. Period. Dh may have a job actually a choice between 2 and his frst concern? If I take one making more money do we lose mediciad? We cant afford private insurance so what so we do. Its all criminal bullshit.

I too am grateful for Justices sleep build. God theyre so much alike. Did you know J used to have a HUGE head of curly hair! Ima show you.

Hmmm Emla. Idk. Have you tried different sites? J said the insets hurt more than contact he doesnt even feel those. Or maybe distract him?

I want to say more but ill end with im so grateful for you and the rest of the dmoms. You all have changed my life. Love u!

Wendy said...

I'm hugging you tight right now.

If he prefers EMLA,NO ONE has a right to suggest otherwise. I'd just tell the doc you want it and it's not up for debate. Period. It makes life easier and who is the doc to decide what should or should not help make this entire thing more bearable for Justin???

SO WHAT if he's off to college, married, raising his own family and still opting to use EMLA...BIG FREAKING WHOOP!!!!!

I say use the EMLA until HE decides HE doesn't need it and tell the doc to see me if he has any questions!!!!!!!! (As a RN, I've put a doc or 2 in their place a few times...)

Love you :)

Meri said...

B's a picky eater. SO easy to bolus for too! I agree with Wendy. If he needs it...he needs it. The doctor doesn't pay for the script, why would he deny the boy comfort in the storm?

Reyna said...

YEP...that MD should order the damn EMLA. I cannot even believe they questioned you with the first script. That is ridiculous.

I can agree with every "confession" you listed Lora...well, except for the "picky-eater" part. Joe will try everything, which does make carb counting difficult sometimes.

:) Tracie said...

My fears...
Sleeping through the night without checking at least once...
That she'll rebel when she's older...
Kaiser plan is changing, if she goes back to the pump, there's no durable medical...
That I'll die first and no one knows what to do (because they don't participate regularly)...
That I'm being too unconcerned at times...

I'm thankful for...
Her health despite diabetes...
My family who really can step in when needed (like for my D&C wed, and where is that every day?)...
The Lord who will be with me no matter what the circumstances and see me through it all...
The perspective I've gained in all of this...

Hang in there....this too shall pass.

Hallie said...

Geez... sometimes it feels like I'm afraid of everything.

I agree on the EMLA. We'd have a revolt on our hands if we didn't use it. Fight for it.

I, too, am grateful for Sweetpea's build. Being a stick DOES make it easier to explain how it simply could not be related to being overweight.

I, too, am worried about the changes I see in carb affect. I am seeing the same things. She could eat pizza no prob... and now... it's a crap shoot. Same thing here... any carbs shoot her sky high. There are no free carbs, really. And it IS scary to see those changes.

I worry what it's going to be like in a few years. I worry she'll rebel. I worry she'll be left out. I worry about what D is doing to her - what I can't see. I worry that our A1c is going SUCK ASS next time due to all the crap we've been thru in the past few weeks.

Insurance. I'm so grateful for it. And yet it feels like a noose sometimes. I have to work - I have to get the insurance. And yet, the reason I struggle with working full time now is the reason I have to.

I worry that insurance will find out that Dexie is no longer FDA approved for young kids and will stop paying. I don't know how we could live without it now.

You know.... I think that living with D means living with lots of fears. And maybe just learning to stick your tongue out at them and live anyway.

((hugs))

Sarah said...

Hi there....so I feel like I'm still a newbie as a PWD but not as a person with a loved one with t1d (my husband). So, here's from another angle of how this disease throws wrenches at us:
I fear that if he doesn't figure out how to get his thyroid problem under control that we'll separate...it's been beyond difficult.
I fear that if he does get things figured out and we do stay together that we'll never have the energy to enjoy one another because somebody always has some BG issue going on.
I fear that his insurance will change again and I'll have to start fighting for all the Rx's again.
I fear getting old with a husband with t1d as I can't imagine him with any of the horrid complications...ANY.
I fear that I sound like a horrible selfish B&*(H because of these fears and seeing how this damn disease really causes so much damage to our whole family sometimes.
I fear failing my children because I don't sleep and am so consumed with caring for everybody all night long.
I fear never knowing who I am through all this.

Sarah said...

Darn...what I really wanted to do was say what I was thankful for:
two happy boys
one husband that would do anything for our family
a house that has heat
a fridge that has food
a bed to sleep on
a bathroom with a shower and jetted tub
a plethora of family members who would truly do anything for us anytime!

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